The Night the Lights Went Out in Kansas
by skyyador
Summary: For those who have read my previous stories, this is not one of those. Its possible there might be some slight mention of child abuse and neglect in this story, but it takes us back to the night the Winchester family was changed forever. Rated T for possible mentions in later chapters EDITED for minor corrections
1. Chapter 1

**The Night the Lights Went Out in Kansas**

Chapter 1

The night was long, he never imagined how much his life would change. He had the perfect life, the perfect family. They had dreams and goals for their lives. When their oldest son was born they started a college fund for him. They knew he would grow to be someone special. He was the light of their life.

He was so full of life. He would bounce around the house, just a happy little bundle of joy. And, so grown for his age. He didn't miss anything. He always paid attention to everything around him. He didn't always understand everything, but he still paid attention to it all.

Dad worked a lot of hours at the local mechanic shop. There were a few times he brought his son with him, he seemed to love it there. Plus, the others who worked at the shop seemed to enjoy it when he came with his dad. They all swear he's just the cutest thing ever, and always try to spoil him and show him as much love as they can. The woman at the front counter really enjoyed spoiling the boy, and showing him off to all the customers.

Usually, he would stay home with his mom. Dad said she didn't need to work, she needed to stay home and take care of him. They had talked about having more, but for now they were enjoying the time they had with just the one boy.

There was one particular evening, Dad had an extra long, hard day at work and for some reason, Mom wasn't in a very good mood. They didn't seem to get along that night. They yelled and screamed at each other as their little boy hid under his bed, holding a pillow over his ears to try to block out the sounds. It wasn't the first time they yelled and screamed at each other, but it was the first time Dad packed a bag and stormed out of the house. When the door slammed shut and the screaming stopped, Mom came in to make sure her little boy was okay.

She knew they yelling scared him, and it took her a minute to find him under the bed with little tears in his eyes. She held her arms out and he crawled into his mom's arms, letting her comfort his fears away. He got to sleep in bed with her that night. He was sure he was the luckiest boy in the world for getting to sleep in the 'adult' room.

The next day, Dad didn't come home after work. Mom had talked to him on the phone, but it seemed to just upset her more.

"Mommy, don't worry, Daddy still loves you. And, so do I!"

Mom just gave him a big hug and kiss, stroking his long, shaggy hair. His hair was getting long, he would be needing a hair cut soon. Dad didn't like when his hair got long, he said it made him look like a girl, but, Mom liked it, and she said he was young so it was okay to have longer hair. He had such deep green eyes that he seemed to be able to win his way into everyone's heart. He was sad that Dad didn't come home after work, or that he wasn't there the following morning.

The day came and went, him and Mom went to the park and played for a while, then they came back home, she fixed his lunch then they laid down together for nap time. Dean got to sleep in his mom's bed again when Dad still didn't come home after work that night either. It was three nights before Daddy came home again. It took a few more days after he came home for them to not be mad at each other.

It wasn't long after that, Mom and Dad announced he was going to be a big brother! He wasn't sure if he wanted to share him Mom and Dad, or his toys, but they seemed happy about it, so he figured he would be happy for them too. He would do anything to see his Mommy smile, even if it meant he had to share his toys and time with someone else.

Mom promised it wouldn't change anything, that she would still love him just the same. Dad agreed. Life went back to normal, they continued to play at the park and Dad started teaching him how to play baseball and catch a football. He always told him how proud he was of him, and how much of a big boy he was becoming!

There were more days that he went to work with Dad, he said it was because Mom was sick, or tired, or had to go to the doctor. He wondered if her tummy kept her feeling bad all the time. When he ate too much his tummy would get big and round too, and it would make him feel sick. But, he didn't mind going to work with Daddy. He loved being around the cars and the people who worked there. They all taught him about tools, their names, and how to use them. He even got to pretend he was fixing some of the cars, or that he was the boss and told them what they needed to do to make the cars run again.

He would sit with the woman at the front desk and she taught him how to write and read and even how to count things like money and simple addition when adding up the customer's bills. He was always polite and called all the customers sir and ma'am. Of course, everyone who came into the shop commented on what good manners he had and how adorable he was.

He loved the attention he got there. He loved his mom too, but she was always too sick or tired to play with him much, so he enjoyed the change for a while.

One day, while at the shop with Dad, he had asked the woman at the front counter if she could watch him, keep him after work for a while. She agreed, knowing he was a good kid and they always got along great. Dad had told her why he needed her to watch him, but made it a secret and wouldn't let him know why.

The shop closed, and they went to a decent little restaurant for dinner. She talked to him about the things on the menu, helping him read them. She even allowed him to order his own food, which made him feel like a grown up! After they were finished, he helped her count the money so she could pay for their food, and then announced she was taking him to meet his dad.

He enjoyed the time he spent with her after work. Actually, he enjoyed everything about his little life. There was nothing that he didn't enjoy doing and he knew he was loved by everyone, so there was no reason not to be happy and have lots of fun. They drove into a parking lot and she took his hand, walking him past some cars until he saw his dad walking towards him.

"Daddy!" He shouted out with excitement as he leaped into his dad's arms.

Dad thanked her for her help and carried his son inside the big building. He hadn't noticed at first, until they were inside, where they were at.

"Daddy? Why are we at a hospital?" He asked.

"Because, I have a huge surprise for you!" His dad just grinned from ear to ear, hugging his boy tightly in his arms.

They got into an elevator, Dad told him what button to push, and they waited for the doors to open again. He was a little scared, he didn't know why they were there, but when his dad walked him into a room, he saw his mom laying in the bed.

"Mommy!" He said excitedly, before he was hushed by his dad.

He quietly and carefully walked over to his mom, climbing onto her bed to see what she was holding in her arms. When he looked inside the bundle of blankets, he saw the tiniest little face, sleeping with its tiny thumb in its mouth. He looked up at his mommy, a little confused.

"Dean, I want you to meet your little brother, Sam." His mom said proudly.

"That's right, son, you're a big brother now!" Dad added.

Dean just sat in his mom's lap and stared at his new little brother.

"Hi, Sammy, I'm your big brother, Dean. I'll keep you safe and protect you, and I'll even share my toys with you." He said before bending over, leaving a gentle kiss on his little forehead.

His mom and dad were right, they didn't love him any less just because he had a little brother. If anything, Dean felt like they loved him more now that he was a big brother.

At first, he was sad because his mommy didn't come home with them that night. Dad said she had to stay at the hospital for a couple days, and that meant they got to spend some special time together. The first night Mom and the baby were home, Dean couldn't seem to pry himself away, he kept a constant eye on his baby brother, making sure he was safe and all his needs were met. It was like Dean just knew what every cry meant, and what he wanted.

"He's hungry, Mommy." Dean would announce when Sam started crying around feeding time. "He needs a clean diaper, Mommy." Dean would tell her when his cry was a little different. "He wants you to hold him, Mommy." Dean would usually announce that with a little irritation, like he couldn't understand why he wasn't being held all the time.

He helped his mom as much as he could. He didn't want to go to the shop with Dad, he wanted to stay and help Mom. But, there were a few days Dad insisted he needed to give his mom a break and go to the shop for the day. Once there, Dean settled in and was happy, but it was usually a fight to get him there.

He had learned how to change a diaper and how to fix a bottle. He even learned how to hold a baby properly. He was only 4 years old, but he felt so much older now that he was a big brother. He was excited because he would be starting school next year, but was also sad because he didn't want to leave his brother. He had asked Mom if he could bring Sammy to school with him when he went, Mom just laughed at him and told him he couldn't do that.

Dean imagined, putting his brother in his backpack, but then thought about how fast he was growing up and figured, by then, he wouldn't fit. He always helped Mom give him a bath and change his clothes. He even learned how to wash laundry so Mom could have more time to take care of his brother. Dean enjoyed helping his mom around the house, as much as he enjoyed helping his dad around the shop.

That evening, the family sat around the kitchen table, eating their dinner, Mom and Dad talked about how they couldn't believe Sam was already 6 months old and how fast time had gone by. Of course, the day he was born, John had started a college fund for him too. They had no doubt he was going to be just as smart as Dean was.

Dean wanted to feed his brother that night, so he fed him his baby food before he even touched his own dinner. Mom and Dad talked about what a good big brother he was and how Sam was lucky to have him. Dean agreed. After they ate, Dean helped mom do dishes while Sam played in his highchair. Then, he helped her give him his bath and he even got to put the diaper on all by himself, and helped Mom put on his pajamas. Then, Mom sat down to feed him his night time bottle and rock him while Dad helped Dean with his bath and got him ready for bed.

Mom had laid Sam down in his crib already, but, the same as every night, Dean refused to go to bed without giving Sam his bed time kiss. Dad carried him into the nursery and held him so he could bend down and kiss his little brother, telling him he loved him and good night. Mary and John just smiled at each other, neither of them could understand how they got so lucky to have such wonderful kids.

Mom said she was tired and was going to bed, Dad carried Dean into his room, after he gave his mom her night time hug and kiss, and Dad tucked him in. He told him how proud he was of him and what a big boy he was, before kissing his forehead and turning out his light.

John had headed down to the couch to watch some tv. He wasn't ready to sleep just yet, and didn't want to wake his wife, knowing she was exhausted. He hadn't meant to fall asleep watching tv, but sometimes that old chair of his was more comfortable than he realized, and he would doze off without realizing it.

The next thing John knew, his wife had screamed, waking him from his sleep. He ran upstairs to see what she screamed about, and heard baby Sammy crying. He walked into the nursery, taking in a gasp of air, he wanted to scream, but couldn't seem to get the sound to come out.

His wife, his beautiful wife, the mother of his children, somehow, she was on the ceiling. She was pinned there by some unseen force. Her stomach was ripped opened under her nightgown. Blood was pooling around her stomach, soaking through the gown and dripping to the floor. Suddenly she burst into flames.

Dean had heard the commotion and woken up, he ventured out of his room to see what was going on. With tired eyes he wiped his little fists against them, giving a gentle rub to help wake him more. He heard his brother crying, but this crying was different, he didn't know what it meant, so he rushed to the nursery. The first thing he saw was Dad on the floor in a panic, looking at the ceiling. He followed his dad's gaze and caught a glimpse of his mom before she burst into flames.

Dad had jumped to his feet, and grabbed Sam, pushing Dean out of the room he put the baby in his arms, giving him instructions to run outside with him.

Dean couldn't think of anything else except his dad's orders. He had to keep his brother safe, even if that meant leaving his mom and dad behind. He ran outside, stopping in the front yard to look up at the window that was lit up with the light from the fire. Fear filled Dean's little body, causing his brother to start crying. He held him tightly against his chest.

"Shhh, Sammy, it's okay, I got you."

He tried to calm him. Then, like Superman, his dad came out of nowhere, swooping his boys into his arms and rushing them away from the house, just moments before the window exploded, leaving glass and debris all over the yard.

The smell of smoke and burnt flesh filled Dean's nose. He figured it was a smell that he would never forget. The commotion had woken the neighbors, and once they saw what was happening, they had called for a firetruck. It didn't take long before the entire area was filled with bright flashing lights and loud sirens.

Loud noises always scared Dean, so he covered his ears with his hands. His dad had taken Sam from him, so both of his hands were free. At first, he didn't want his dad to take him, but now he was glad he did, because he was able to block out some of the loud sirens that were blaring in his ears. It scared Sam too because he had started crying again.

John put the boys in the back seat of their car, told Dean to watch Sam, that it would be quieter in there, and not so scary. Dean happily agreed, anything to block the sounds was good with him. Dean didn't know it, but John had gone to the police officers and firefighters, and even the EMT and asked if they could turn off their sirens. He explained that Dean was scared of loud noises and had already had a rough enough night, seeing his mom burning in the fire that he didn't want to traumatize him any worse.

They all agreed, apologizing and turning their sirens off. Some even turned their bright lights off. Of course, it was necessary to leave some of the lights on in some vehicles, like the ones that were blocking the road, but at least there were less flashing lights.

Dean sat huddled in the floor of the back seat of the car, holding Sam tightly to him. He tried his best to comfort him, but he was so scared, he wasn't sure if it would work. To Dean's amazement, it did work, Sam had fallen asleep on Dean's chest. He knew he had to be strong, knew he couldn't cry. Sammy needed him. He needed his big brother to be strong for him, to protect him so he could sleep, and that's just what Dean had planned to do.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Night the Lights Went Out in Kansas**

Chapter 2

When Dad came back to the car he found Dean bundled in the floor protecting his sleeping brother.

"Hey there, buddy. They turned the sirens and some of the lights off for you, is that better?"

Little Dean just looked up at his daddy and nodded his little head. Even in the evening light that was lit up by the red and blue flashing lights, he could see the sadness and fear in his oldest son's eyes. But, Dean wouldn't dare let a tear fall, no matter what it took. He needed to be stronger than that, for his brother and his dad.

Dad let them stay in the car, it was a safe place that Dean felt comfortable in, so he figured that was better than him having to witness everything that was going on around him.

Once the fire was out, and they deemed the house safe for the night, John decided there was no way he would let his boys stay there, or that he could stay there himself. The smell of burnt wood and flesh was still running strong through the air.

Mrs. Rosey was an older lady, her husband had passed away a couple years ago, and her kids were all grown with families of their own. She loved sitting in her yard and watching little Dean run around and play, he was always so happy. She had even fixed a few dinners for them while Mary recovered from the birth of Sam. She had come out of her home to see what all the commotion was about.

Her heart broke for the young family. John had asked her if she could keep an eye on the boys for him while he gathered some clothes and diapers from inside. He told her he didn't want to traumatize them anymore than they already were, and didn't think bringing them inside the house would be a good idea. He told her where they were at, and insisted she just need to be there in case Dean came out of the car, wondering where his dad had gone. She agreed, still in shock of what had happened to her neighbor's home, she stood near the car, looking in at the boys a couple of times to make sure they were okay.

John returned, putting the bags of items into the trunk, thanking her for watching them and for all she had done for them over the years, then pushed himself into the driver's seat of the car.

"Dean, we're going to stay at a motel tonight, okay?"

Dean didn't say anything, he just nodded his little head.

John sighed. He didn't want to bother his boys, but knew it wasn't safe for them to ride in the car where they were at, but considering everything they had been through that night, he opted out of making them move to the seat.

The gentle purr of the engine and the rocking motion had made Dean drift to somewhere between being awake and asleep. He hadn't noticed when they got to the motel, or when his dad left them to pay for a room at the front desk, or when he had turned the car off and carried their bags inside the room. When John opened the door, it pulled Dean from his sleepiness, as he rubbed his little eyes, and shifted Sammy's weight.

"We're here. Here, let me get Sammy." John said as he lifted the sleeping baby from Dean's arms.

Dean didn't seem to happy about being separated from his brother, but knew he couldn't get out of the car with him in his lap, so he let Dad take him. John put his hand on Dean's back and helped guide him into the motel room.

He turned and looked at a sleepy Dean. "Hey, Champ, why don't you crawl up in the bed and get some more sleep? I'll take care of Sammy. I'm just going to change his diaper and get a bottle ready, then I'll be going to sleep too."

Dean had sat on the edge of the bed furthest from the door and started kicking his little shoes off his feet. He gave his dad a questioning look and moved his glances between Sam and Dad.

"I brought the playpen from the house, I'm going to set it up between our beds, he can sleep there tonight."

Dean nodded, he was okay with that. He'd much rather have Sammy in his lap again, but as long as he was next to him, that would be okay too. He laid his little head on the pillow and pulled the covers over him. He had chosen the side of the bed closest to where Sammy would be sleeping.

Dad changed Sammy's diaper and set up the playpen exactly where he said he would. He laid the baby in it, turning to make sure his oldest son was tucked in, and bent over, giving him a kiss on the forehead.

He then proceeded to make a bottle, giving it to Sammy so he would go back to sleep. John noticed, Dean was still laying awake, watching everything Dad did, and keeping his eye on his baby brother. John sat on the edge of the bed beside his little feet.

"Hey, Champ, everything's going to be okay, I promise. I know its been a really long night, and there's probably a lot of things you don't understand, but honestly, there's a lot of things I don't understand right now either. So, we're in this together, okay, bud?"

Dean just nodded with a little tear threatening to leave his eye.

John placed his hand on the side of the boy's face, with a gentle touch, he reminded him that he was still here, and he would keep them safe. He said they could talk about it more in the morning, that maybe things would make sense then, or they would be able to answer questions they had. But, for now they both needed to get some sleep.

Dean closed his little eyes under the gentle touch of his Dad and listened to his reassuring words. Dad didn't leave him, not until he had fallen back asleep. After checking on a sleeping Sammy, he made his way to his bed.

He felt so lost, so confused. He had so many questions and no answers. He looked back over at his sleeping boys, wondering what they were going to do now. He never imagined raising his boys without their mom. He knew Sammy was young enough that tonight wouldn't affect him much, except for the fact he didn't have a mom, but Dean. He wondered how much tonight would affect that boy. He was a tough little cookie, that was for sure, and John had no question about the fact that he would help look out for his baby brother, but he noticed the kid hadn't talked since he saw the scene unfold in the nursery in front of him.

John allowed silent tears to drip from his eyes as he allowed his body to release the heartache it was holding onto, the fear that was overwhelming him. For the first night ever, he had laid there and silently cried himself to sleep.

The morning broke, but they didn't let the slivers of sun peaking through the curtains wake them, they had a long night and were exhausted. But, a baby won't sleep for long. Sam had woke up, not crying loud. He never cried loud, but it was enough to wake Dean.

He calmed his baby brother with a rub and went to make a bottle the way Mom had taught him. He made a mess doing it, but at least it was done, and he didn't have to wake Daddy. He grabbed a diaper and some wipes on his way back to the bed.

He picked up his baby brother and laid him on his bed, giving him his bottle. The baby was so happy to have his milk and smiled at his big brother, he couldn't help but smile back. He then, proceeded to change his diaper. He tried to do it the same way he had before, but quickly realized it was easier when Mom was helping him. He managed to get his diaper changed, and decided he would try to change his clothes too.

He dug through Sammy's bag and found a matching outfit and socks, then returned to his brother. Starting with the pants and socks, he put the clean ones on. He then removed the bottle from his hands, finished taking his pajamas off, and slipped on the shirt, returning the bottle as soon as he was finished. He laid his brother back in his bed, he didn't want the baby rolling around and falling off the bed.

He then gathered his own clothes. He went to the bathroom, washing his face and brushing his teeth, he then removed his pajamas and replaced them with the clean clothing.

He wasn't sure what to do after that. He was hungry, Mom would have had breakfast cooked by now. But, Dad was still sleeping, and he didn't want to wake him. The events of the night before replayed through his little head, he sat with his back against the headboard and his knees pulled to his chest. He rocked back and forth while sitting there, with his mind full of all the fear and sadness the night brought. He had felt tears threatening to come to the surface a couple of times, but he pushed them away. He couldn't cry. He couldn't be weak. He needed to be strong for his baby brother and Dad.

He started watching his brother roll around in his bed, playing with the toys he had put in there for him. He seemed so happy, like he didn't have a clue what had just happened to their family. Dean wasn't even completely sure. He knew what he saw. He heard people say Mom was dead, but he wasn't exactly sure what all of that meant. He had a fish once, Mom and Dad told him it was dead, they flushed it down the toilet and he never saw it again. He wondered if he would ever see his mom again, or if she was lost somewhere with his fish.

He was lost in thought, hadn't realized his dad had woken up.

"Hey, Sport, did you make your brother a bottle? And change his clothes?" He sounded surprised that he was able to take care of him so well.

Dean just looked at his dad and nodded his little head.

"Good job, buddy! And, look, you even got yourself dressed! You're such a big boy!" He said with a smile as he headed to the bathroom to take care of his morning business and put on clean clothes.

Once he was finished with his morning routine, he noticed his oldest son was still sitting, balled up, against the headboard, watching his brother, like he was waiting for something to happen, he was ready to grab him and protect him when it did. He needed to get the boy's mind on something else. He needed to get him out of this room, that would help. He then realized it was almost noon. Mary would have already served him breakfast, a snack, and would be ready for lunch.

But, he had just woken up, and hadn't fed the kids all day. He was grateful that Dean had taken care of Sam, made sure he at least had his bottles.

"How about we go grab something to eat? You gotta be starving!"

Dean's eyes lit up as he nodded his head yes. In fact, he was starving, and excited to be going to eat. He jumped up and grabbed Sammy's jacket and diaper bag. John laughed at his oldest son, taking responsibility for his little brother.

"Okay, okay, lets slow down a little, okay?"

Dean paused.

"First, you need to put your shoes and coat on, and I'll make him a bottle for the road, we have a few things we need to do after we eat." Dean sat on his bed, putting his shoes and coat on like he was instructed. By the time he was finished, Dad had the bottles ready, stuffing them in the diaper bag and checking to make sure they had what they needed in the bag. Mary always kept it well stocked and ready for anything. John was thankful for that. He then picked Sammy up, putting his toys in the bag as well, and put his coat on.

"You ready, Champ?"

Dean just nodded his head and they headed out to the impala. Dean sat in his seat, fastening his seatbelt, while John placed Sammy in his car seat, buckling him in.

"Where you wanna go?"

Dean just shrugged his shoulders.

"Okay, how about that 50's diner you like so much?"

Dean just smiled and nodded his head.

John pulled into the parking lot after a short, silent, drive. Dean was out of the car and standing beside his dad before he was able to get Sammy out of the car. He figured, Dean needed the reassurance that neither of them were going to leave him, so he just placed his hand on his oldest son's back as they walked into the diner.

A familiar waitress walked up to the table. "Well, hello there, boys, where's Mom today?"

Tears welled up in John's eyes and Dean just sat in silence. Sammy was his normal self, entertaining himself in the highchair.

"Our house burned last night and… uh… she didn't…" John couldn't finish, but the waitress understood.

"Oh, dear, I'm so sorry, she was such a nice lady, and a great mom."

"Yeah, yeah, she was." John said, smiling at Dean who had sank in on himself.

"What can I get for you boys today?" She continued.

"Dean, what would you like?" John asked, but only received a stare back from his son.

"I know what he wants." The waitress spoke up when Dean didn't. "You want your regular?" She asked him and received a nod in response. "And, little one here." She said, rubbing Sam's hair. "Wants a scrambled egg and a small pancake with light syrup, and what would you like?" She directed her question to John, who was amazed at how many times they had ate at this diner that the waitress knew what the boys ordered.

After ordering his food, and the waitress walked away, John attempted to get his oldest son to talk to him. "So, how you feeling today?" He asked, receiving only a shoulder shrug. It ripped at his heart to see his, usually bubbly boy, being so quiet and withdrawn.

"Don't feel like talking to anyone?" John asked.

Dean just shook his little head and kept his eyes lowered. He didn't want to make eye contact with anyone either, and had been mostly successful in that as well.

"It's okay, Buddy, it'll get better with time." He lied to his son. He wasn't convinced time would do anything to take the emptiness away, but that's what everyone always said, and it sounded good, something maybe his son could hope for in the future.

They were served their food, the waitress gave her sympathy again, informing them this meal was on the house, that they were looking at enough expenses and this shouldn't be one of them. John thanked them. Dean would normally eat all his food, especially since he hadn't eaten all day, but he just picked at his food and only ended up eating half of it. John ate all his, he wasn't very hungry, but knew his body needed food. Sammy, he was his normal self, he didn't have a clue how much his life had just changed. And for that, John was grateful.

Once they had finished, he thanked them again for their kindness and headed out, dreading the rest of the day, but, thankful he had slept so late, that would help the day go by faster. He wasn't sure how he was going to face everything that was hitting him right now. He had to go to the police station, the funeral home, he needed to get some groceries, so Dean wouldn't starve while he slept late. He needed to go to the house and gather some more belongings. He had only gotten enough for a couple nights. He needed to talk to the fire investigator, to see if they had found a cause for the fire.

Of course, he didn't tell them about his wife being stuck to the ceiling, no sane person would believe that. It didn't even make sense to him. He hated that he had to bring the boys with him, he was sure Dean would listen in on everything that was said. He always seemed to pay attention to his surroundings and what people said around him. But, he figured his boys needed him right now, especially Dean, and it wouldn't be fair to him if he dropped him off with a babysitter, he didn't want him to fear that his dad wasn't coming back either. He wasn't sure how much Dean understood about what had happened, since he wasn't talking, but knew he understood enough to be scared. So, he decided, everything he had to do, he would do with his boys by his side.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Night the Lights Went Out in Kansas**

Chapter 3

The oldest boy held tight to his dad. He didn't mind that Dad was carrying his baby brother. That left both of his hands free to grasp onto Dad. He was scared. He had never been in a police station before. Police stations were for bad people, and Dean didn't think he had been bad. He also, didn't think Dad had been bad. So why were they here?

Dad kept his arm around his oldest son's shoulders, he wasn't sure if the kid could possibly push himself further into him, it was like he was trying to make himself invisible. Sammy was sleeping in his car seat, so John opted to just carry him in his seat instead of waking him. That was one good thing about those annoying infant seats. He sat the seat on the floor beside a desk, then lifted Dean into his arms and sat him in a chair, and sat himself in the chair next to him.

Dean pushed his body as close to the arm of the chair as he could, trying to be close to Dad, not wanting him to disappear too. A police officer sat at the desk across from them. He was dressed different. He had on normal clothes, but his badge on his shirt told Dean he was a cop. Dean's little body started trembling as he reached out for his dad's arm.

When John felt Dean's trembling hand grab the edge of his sleeve, he reached over, picked him up, sat him in his lap and wrapped him in his strong, comforting arms. Dean buried his face in his dad's chest, he didn't see the tear slip down his dad's face.

"Mr. Winchester." The cop began. "It says here, according to the fire investigation, that the fire started at the electrical plug in your son's room. It's deemed an accidental electric fire, caused by faulty wire. You and your sons, especially the little one, are lucky to have gotten out of the house when you did."

John nodded his head, squeezing Dean a little tighter.

"You did good, protecting your boys. I know your wife would be proud. You also did good by closing the door once you had left the room. It contained the fire to mostly just the one room. There's water damage to parts of the house, but most of the items should be salvageable, and with a little work and reconstruction to your son's room, it could be livable again."

"Thank you, but I don't think we will be living there again. Too many memories. I think my son…" He gave Dean's back a slight rub. "Has been traumatized enough, I couldn't put him back through that, I couldn't make him live where his mom died."

The officer just nodded, understanding what he meant. "How are you and the boys doing?"

"Well, Sammy, he's fine, he's young enough he doesn't understand what's happened, and hasn't started missing his mom yet, Dean, he's not talking, hasn't since he woke up and saw the fire. And, I'm sure, by his behavior, he's quite scared. And, well, what can I say, I just lost my wife and still have 2 boys I need to take care of, but I'm managing the best I can right now."

"I'd like to suggest you, and possibly the oldest, see a professional, it'll give you someone to talk to, and maybe he'd start talking again?"

"I think I'll give it some time. I'm sure he'll start talking when he feels comfortable again. Can't much blame the kid, you know, I mean I would much rather curl into a ball somewhere and not function, not have to face the world too, but, unfortunately that's not an option for me."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. If you change your mind, I can give you some good recommendations for the both of you, and if you need any help or support there are several organizations that offer that at no charge. They even offer babysitting services while you get back on your feet and while you have to deal with all the funeral stuff, so you don't have to bring them along."

"No offense, sir, but I'm not leaving my kids with anyone right now. I think they've lost enough, and the last thing they need is for their only parent to leave them, even if just for a little while, especially with a stranger. I think I'll keep them right were they are, right by my side."

The officer nodded. "Do you know how much your oldest son understands about what happened?"

"Not completely sure, being that he's not talking and all, but he's a lot smarter than you may think. He always has been. I'm sure he knows his mom died in the fire, not sure if he completely understands what that means, not sure if a 4 year old can understand what 'forever' or 'eternity' means. I mean, he knows his mom isn't coming back, but the timespan that she'll be gone, may not register with him yet. But it will, with time, he'll understand more, and he'll be just fine, don't you worry about that."

"Well, Mr. Winchester, I wish the best for you and your family. And if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. I'll be sending you the official documentations in the next few days. I'll also send those recommendations, just in case you change your mind."

John thanked him, and stood Dean on the floor so he could lift Sammy again. He held Dean's hand as the lost family walked out of the police station.

Dean buckled himself into his seat, thinking about what his dad and the cop had talked about. His mom was gone, forever. How long was forever? Dad said she wasn't coming back, Dean could only imagine that would mean his whole life. He would be grown, and old, like Dad, and Mom wouldn't be coming to visit.

Just like his fish. Maybe Mom had to take care of his fish? Maybe it was getting lonely? Mom always knew when and how to feed it, and she kept its water clean. She was the best one to take care of it for him. But, he wished his Mom was still here to take care of him too. He missed her.

Dad stopped at the fire station. When Dean saw the firetrucks he got scared. He remembered them being at his house, they had the loud sirens and bright lights. Dean sunk down in his seat.

"Hey, Buddy, its okay." John spoke softly.

Dean just shook his head, not wanting to get out of the car.

"Okay, I'll tell you what. I just need to go in here and talk to someone, it won't take long, okay? I'll leave you out here, if you promise you'll be good and watch your baby brother, can you promise me that?"

Dean's eyes lit up as he nodded his head, agreeing to what his dad requested.

"Okay, if you need anything, I'll be right through those doors." He pointed at the front door. "Okay?"

Dean nodded again, receiving a pat on the head from Dad.

He looked over at his youngest son, being sure he was still asleep, and quietly closed the car door. Dean watched as his dad disappeared inside the building, then he sunk down onto the floor of the car, he kept an eye on his brother, but also wanted to hide from the memories the place in front of him brought.

He still wondered how long 'forever' was. Would Sammy ever get to see her again? Would she come back to make him his food? He was feeling hungry again. Mom would have given him a snack, but Dad didn't have any food for him to eat. His little body started trembling again. He couldn't make it stop. But, at least he was able to keep his tears from falling down his cheeks.

It was okay if Sammy cried, he was a baby. But, Dean was a big boy, so he couldn't cry, not when so many people depended on him. He had to stay strong. He had to help Dad and take care of Sammy. He couldn't let something as silly as a broken heart stop him from what he needed to do.

John felt panic rise as he made his way back to the car. He couldn't see Dean sitting in his seat. With fear rising he jerked open the back door, fear quickly changing to relief, as he found his oldest son huddled on the floor board. He was startled by Dad's actions, and wrinkled his little forehead in fear.

John knelt on the ground, and wrapped the boy in his arms.

"Dean, I'm sorry, I didn't see you in your seat, and I got scared. I don't want to lose you too." Dean hugged his dad back, thankful that it was only him who opened the door and not someone who was going to take more of his family away.

"Let's get you back in your seatbelt." He said as he sat Dean back in his seat and buckled him in. "I have one more stop I need to make, before it gets dark out. Then, how about we go get something to eat?" He said as he pulled away from the fire station.

Dean just nodded, watching the road as they drove down it. He was both shocked and scared when Dad stopped in front of their house.

"Hey, Buddy, I have to go get some more things from the house, some clothes, and food and stuff. Do you want to come in or stay out here in the car?"

Dean sat silent for a moment, staring at the house, before opening his door.

"Okay, let me grab your brother."

Sam was still asleep, so John left him in his car seat and sat it on the living room floor.

"Hey." John knelt in front of Dean. "Can you help me watch your brother while I get some things from the kitchen?"

Dean nodded, his eyes were darting everywhere through the room and what part of the house he could see.

John patted his son on the shoulder. "It's okay, Buddy, it's going to be okay." He said as he stood to his feet and headed toward the kitchen.

He packed all of Sammy's baby food and formula. He emptied the cabinets and made sure to grab all of Dean's snacks. The electric had been turned off when the fire happened, so nothing in the fridge or freezers were good anymore. He gathered a few dishes, so they would at least have a bowl, plate, cup, and silverware for each of them. He figured it would be a good idea to gather things like paper towels and toilet paper. He also grabbed some towels and washrags from the closet. He carried those items to the car, then returned.

Taking a deep breath, he stood at the bottom of the stairs. He was hesitant on going upstairs, but knew he needed to. He needed to gather clothes and other things they would need. He felt a tiny hand grasp onto his, he looked down and saw Dean standing beside him, looking at him with saddened eyes. He knelt down, hugging his son tightly.

"You need to stay down here, okay? You don't need to go back up there."

Dean just shook his head and, holding his dad's hand, took the first step up the stairs. John followed his brave son. His little hand started trembling as he looked at the blackened door that closed off what was once his brother's room. He stepped into his own room, and took out a bag, starting to pack it with his clothes and other belongings.

"Okay." John said, seeing what a big, brave boy he was being. "You pack your things, and I'm going to go to my room and pack my clothes, when you're done, I'll be just down the hall. You can either wait in here or come to my room."

Dean nodded, and continued to open his drawers, pulling out clothes, and putting a few toys in his bags too.

When John came out of his room he found his oldest son standing in the hallway, staring at the door that led to the nursery, the place his mom had died.

"Hey, I know it's not easy right now, and I don't know if it will ever get easy, but we have each other, and right now, that's what matters, okay?"

Dean just looked up at his dad, eyes filled with tears that threatened to fall, and nodded at him, before turning and dragging his bags down the stairs.

John knew the boy had so many things running through his mind, and noticed he was gathering the baby toys that remained in the living room. He was worried about his brother having what he needed.

"Hey, your mom… she had just washed a load of laundry, and it was still in the dryer. We were going to fold it in the morning, but it had a lot of your brother's clothes in it, so he should be good on clothes for now."

Dean nodded, thankful to hear that.

Once John was sure he had gathered the things they would need to hold them over for a while he prepared to leave their home behind. "You ready to go, Champ? I'll come back later, and get everything else. We just needed to get our clothes and food and things we need for now."

Dean nodded, and stood beside his brother, waiting for Dad to pick him up, once he did, Dean grabbed his bags and dragged them out of the house, waiting by the car while his dad locked the door, and put his brother in the car. He then helped Dean put his bags in the trunk with all the others. Once Dean was settled in his seat, John started the motor, looking into the mirror, seeing his oldest son staring at what was once his happy home, sadness written all over his face.

"How about we go get something to eat, then we'll hit up the grocery store for a few more items we need?"

Dean nodded, not taking his eyes off his home until it was out of sight.

John's heart broke. He was sad for himself, but even sadder for his oldest son. A child, stuck between being a baby and a man. He understood just enough to know that it hurt, but not enough to completely understand everything that this meant.

John decided they would eat dinner somewhere they had never been before, somewhere no one knew Mary. Sam as still his happy little self, thankful for the long nap he was given, followed up by tasty baby food and a milk bottle. Dean hadn't spoken. He stared at the menu, after the waitress had tried three times to take their order, John ended up ordering his food for him. He had hoped he got the order right, that he remembered the way Dean liked his food.

Dean, still silent, picked at his food as he ate it. He didn't feel much like eating. Sammy was able to pull small smiles from his big brother. Dean would always show his baby brother love, no matter what his heart was feeling.

"Dean, is your food good?" John tried to question his oldest son, hoping to get a response.

Dean just nodded his head.

"I hoped I ordered it the way you like it."

Dean nodded, again.

"Is there anything you want to do after we leave here?"

Dean shook his head.

"Okay." John wasn't sure where to go from here, he didn't know how to get through to his son, how to get him to talk again. He figured with time, he would talk again. He just needed time, John reminded himself, as he allowed Dean to deal with the loss his own way.

John and Sammy had both finished eating, Dean still had food remaining, but wasn't showing much interest in it.

"You done?"

Dean nodded.

"Okay, what do you say we get out of here, head back to the motel?"

Dean shrugged his shoulders, rising from his seat and lifting his brother from the highchair.

John paid for their meal, then helped his oldest son get the baby into his seat and secured in the car. They silently drove back to the motel room. Once inside, Dean immediately made his way to the bathroom and started some bath water. He knew what needed to be done, he knew what Mom would have done, so he figured he needed to take charge and do what was needed.

John watched, amazed at his oldest boy and his ability to act so grown as he had made sure the water was the right temperature, and he undressed Sammy, getting his special baby soap and setting him in the tub.

Sam splashed and played, Dean smiled down at his little brother, happy to see him so happy. Once he had cleaned him off and he was finished playing. Dean dried him off, wrapped him in the towel, and carried him to the bed.

John was laying on his bed, he was lost in his own thoughts, in his own emptiness. He felt broken, he felt overwhelmed, he felt like there was a dark hole that could never be filled. Once the movement of his boys caught his attention, he turned his head and watched the two boys. Dean had laid his brother on the bed, and put on a clean diaper and pajamas. He then, sat Sammy into his bed so he could go make him a bottle for bed. He picked his brother back up, leaning against the headboard, he held his baby brother and fed him his bottle.

"Momma?" Sammy questioned, looking up at his brother.

Dean's eyes just filled with tears. He didn't know how to tell his brother that 'Momma' was gone. He just held his brother closer, giving him a tight hug before laying him in his bed to fall asleep.

John watched the interaction from his bed. His heart broke when he heard his youngest ask for his mom. It hurt even more to watch his oldest son not be able to answer him, to look so heartbroken and confused, unsure of what to say or do. Neither of them knew how to tell a baby about death. John hoped that Sam's memory of her would go away with time too.

Once Sam was calmed down and asleep, Dean got his own clothes and made his way into the bathroom. He took a shower. He had only taken a shower a few times, but he figured it was quicker, and he wanted to go back with his brother. He didn't want the feeling of being alone. He didn't like that feeling. He needed to know the rest of his family was still there, that they weren't leaving like Mom did.

While the water ran down his little body, he let a few tears slip down his face and wash away. He hurried and returned to his bed. John hadn't moved. He felt so lost. All he could do was watch his oldest son, who seemed to grow older over the past 24 hours. Dean crawled in his bed after checking on his brother. John couldn't help but realize how long it took for his oldest to fall asleep. It never took him this long to sleep, but he was always the type who worried about everything, and everyone. He always tried to fix anything that had gone wrong. But, this time, this was something he couldn't fix. And, John knew his son knew this too.

Once the boy had fallen to sleep and his soft breathing joined his brother's. John was able to settle down and fall asleep himself. He knew he needed as much sleep as he could get. They were going to have another busy day tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Night the Lights Went Out in Kansas**

Chapter 4

Their peaceful sleep was broken by Baby Sammy waking up for a diaper change and bottle. This was normal for him, but this time, it was different than before. He woke crying, but wasn't happy with just a clean diaper and milk. He continued to cry for his mom, not satisfied with his brother or dad.

Dean didn't know what to do. The look of panic overtook his eyes as his dad woke and tried to comfort the baby.

"It's okay, Dean. He just misses Mom too."

Dean couldn't help but continue to watch his dad and brother. He wanted to badly to fix this. He wanted to make his brother feel better, to make him happy again, but he didn't know how. He couldn't make Mom come back, he figured, he would have to take Mom's place. He would have to become Mom since Mom couldn't be there anymore.

He gently sat beside his dad and rubbed his brother's back. Sam shifted, so he was closer to Dean, and Dean softly moved his hands between his dad and brother, lifting him from Dad and pulling him into his arms.

Dean let out a quiet hum, it was a song Mom would hum to him when he woke at night, to help him go back to sleep. Sammy seemed to settle down with the song his brother was humming, as he rocked him in his arms with his chest pressed against his own. Sam laid his head on his brother's shoulder, listening to the humming filling his ears. Dean stood, and moved to his bed, laying Sammy beside him, he continued to hum and rub his back.

John sat, amazed at his oldest son. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. It didn't take Sam long to fall asleep next to his brother. Dean seemed to follow his brother back to sleep.

A few tears ran down John's face, he was both happy and sad. He was happy to see his son take on his role as a big brother, and help with the baby, but he was also sad because he was having to help with him so much.

He figured, this was going to be the way their life was now, everything had changed, and Dean was smart enough to know this, and took on his new role without needing to be asked. He never questioned it, he never complained, he just settled into his new life, and helped his dad take care of his brother.

John had fallen back asleep, thinking about how much their lives had changed.

Morning came way too soon. It seemed they hadn't gotten enough sleep; even little Sammy was sleepy. But, John had things he needed to get done. He showered and prepared himself for the day. When he returned to the room, Dean had Sam in a clean diaper and dressed for the day. He had also changed his own clothes and prepared himself for the day as well. He had even checked Sam's diaper bag, making sure everything he would need was packed for the day.

Dean wasn't sure what they had to do, but Dad said they had another busy day, so he wanted to make sure they would have what they needed. He had even packed 2 bottles of water and some cereal bars for him and Dad, just in case they got too busy to eat.

John knelt beside where Dean was sitting.

"I'm so proud of you, son. You're being such a big boy. Thank you for helping me take care of your brother."

Dean just looked at his dad, giving him a sideways smile.

"Come on." John said, patting Dean on his back. "Let's go grab some breakfast, we've got a busy day."

Dean grabbed his coat and diaper bag, while Dad grabbed Sammy. Dean had already put his coat on and had him ready to go. He followed them to the car, buckling himself into his seat, and waited for Dad to finish buckling Sammy in.

John ordered their breakfast, trying to remember what Dean and Sam had the morning before. Dean helped feed his brother. He seemed more interested in making sure his brother ate then feeding himself. Dean just picked at his food again. Usually he ate everything he could, but since the night his mom died, he didn't seem to have an appetite. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted his mom's home cooked food. He wanted his house back. He wanted his heart back. He wanted his mom back.

He knew his dad felt the same, but he didn't know how to make it better for either of them. He was glad he had figured out how to make it better for Sammy. He felt proud of himself for that, and even Dad told him how proud he was.

Once they were finished and back in the car, Dad tried to explain the events of the day ahead of them.

"Dean, so, when a fire burns somebody, it pretty much burns everything except their bones. You see, when Mom was burned in the fire, that's pretty much all there was left of her, so we can't see her anymore, but we still have to bury her bones. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Dean shrugged his shoulders and nodded his head at the same time.

"Okay, well, we have to go to the funeral home. When you bury someone, you have to buy a special box, called a casket, and it goes in a big hole in the ground, at the grave yard."

He looked back at Dean, making sure he was still understanding what he was telling him. "So, we have to go to the funeral home, and pick out the special box, and something special to put on top of it, to make it pretty. Then we have to pick out pictures, to put with the casket. Later today, we will have a bunch of people come to look at the casket and pictures, some will cry, some will tell stories of things they remember about Mom. Some of the people you'll know, some you won't. But, its going to be okay. Got it?"

Dean nodded his head.

"Okay, then tomorrow, we have to do it all over again, have people come and look at the pictures and tell stories. Then, we will go to the grave yard and put her special box in the ground. So, its going to be a busy day tomorrow too. I'm sorry. I know this is a lot to take in, it's a lot for me too. But, we'll get through this, okay Champ?"

Dean nodded his head again.

The rest of the ride was silent, while both, John and Dean, took in what all was just said.

They pulled up to the funeral home. Dean watched Sam as Dad talked to a man in the office.

"Okay, Champ, you ready to go pick out Mommy's special box?"

"Mommy!" Sam said excited when he heard his mom's name. His excitement for his mom made both of their eyes fill with tears. Neither of them knew how to explain this to him. He was just an innocent baby, too young to understand what was going on.

Dean nodded his head as John took Sammy from Dean's arms. Dean followed his dad into a room full of caskets, he walked around, lost in the mix of the different caskets. He rubbed his little hand down all of them as he walked through the room. He stopped at one. It was a light pink color, with sparkles in it. The bars on the side were a bright, shining silver. Inside, there was a light pink, satin lining.

As Dean stood and looked at it, it appeared to have a bright ore around it, Dean thought it just felt right. It was the perfect one for his mom. John walked over to his oldest son, placing his hand on his shoulder, watching him stare at the casket. He knelt at his side.

"Is this the one you want to get for Mom?"

Dean nodded his head.

"Okay." John looked up at the man who was with them. "This is the one we'll take." Looking back down at his son. "Now we need to go find something pretty to put on top of it.

They followed the man to another room that was full of big flower arrangements and other things to put on top the caskets. Dean walked past all the flowers, none of them seemed like something Mom would like. He knew she liked flowers, but she liked simple flowers, not big ones, and not fake ones. She would want real ones if she had any.

Dean thought about the times his mom would have a glass vase sitting on the table with 3 or 4 flowers that were picked from a bush outside, or that Dean had picked for her at the park. She said how much she liked them because they were simple and helped brighten the room.

Dean continued looking around the room, he stopped at a cloth. It was long, like a scarf, and there were angels on it. There were also words, that he tried to read, but couldn't. Dad walked up to him.

"You like this one?"

Dean nodded his head.

"Okay, lets see, what does it say? 'Angel are Watching Over You'."

Dean's eyes lit up and he nodded his head excitedly. He pointed to it, wanting it laid on Mom's special box. He remembered all the times Mom told him angels were watching over him. He couldn't help but wonder if Mom was an angel now, and if she was watching over him.

John agreed and picked out a flower arrangement to stand beside the casket as well. Dean was satisfied with what they had picked out for Mom. He thought she would really like it. Once they were finished, it was passed lunch time. John suggested they go and get some food before it was time to come back, before other people came to visit them.

At lunch, he explained to Dean how it might feel overwhelming, how it might feel scary and sad. He explained how all those feelings, and anything else would be okay. That he understood, and was feeling the same way. He also explained that other people would want to hold Baby Sammy and help take care of them. Dean crinkled his forehead, he wasn't so sure about other people taking his brother, but Dad told him it would be okay. That no one would hurt him, that's just the way other people think they are helping. And, people have this crazy need to feel like they need to help, need to make everything better, even if they can't. It makes them feel better.

Dean nodded his head, but was still unsure about others taking his brother, but decided he needed to trust his dad, and let the people think they were helping. He was nervous about having to be around all the people Dad said would be there. He certainly didn't want to be with people who he didn't know. He just wanted to be alone, stay in the motel room with his brother while his dad spent time with all the people, but, Dad wouldn't let him do that. So, he just had to be a big boy and follow his dad's orders.

Once they had finished eating, they headed back to the funeral home. Dean sat, nervous, as slowly one person came after another. They would go up to Mom's special box and look at the pictures and cry. Then, they would sit beside them and tell them how sorry they were about their loss, and just like Dad said, they told stories about what they remembered about Mary. Everyone had great, happy things to say about her.

The more people that filled the room, the more Dean wanted to escape. Dad was right, people wanted to help with Sammy and help take care of him. They said it was the least they could do, since John was now alone, taking care of them. John just smiled at Dean, not needing to explain that he wasn't alone, that Dean was helping to take care of him.

After a few hours, John had noticed, Dean slipped away from him. He was so overwhelmed by everyone who was visiting that he didn't notice. He searched around the building, unable to find him. He was dodging all the people who kept trying to stop him, and talk to him about their sympathy. He figured, he knew where his oldest son was, after making sure Sam was being taken care of, he made his way out to the impala.

He knelt on the ground, opening the back door, finding his oldest son curled into a ball in the backseat of the car. This was where he had found a comfort zone. Where he went when he was scared or overwhelmed.

"Hey there, Buddy, what's going on?"

Dean looked up at his dad, his eyes filled with tears.

"You overwhelmed right now?"

Dean nodded his head.

"Scared?"

Again, Dean nodded his head.

"There's only 2 more hours today, then we just have to make it through tomorrow, okay, Champ?"

Dean frowned and nodded his head.

"But, I'll tell you what. You can stay right here for the rest of the evening, if you want to. Is that what you want?"

Dean nodded his head again.

"Okay, lock the doors, I've got a key to unlock them when we're done. But, tomorrow you're going to have to be inside for at least part of it again, okay? And you'll have to be there at the grave yard."

Dean pressed his lips together, he didn't want to do this anymore, but knew he didn't have a choice, and Dad needed him, so he nodded his head, agreeing with him, thankful that, at least, he wasn't going to make him go back in there tonight.

"If you need me, you know where I'll be." John said as he stood and closed the door, making sure the doors were locked before he walked back inside.

Dean had fallen asleep in his place of comfort. He was so exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster going on inside of him. He startled awake when his dad unlocked the doors. Once he saw it was only his dad, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift away again.

John, put a sleeping Sammy in his car seat. He had a long day too.

"Hey, Champ, you wanna go get something to eat before going back to the room?"

Dean didn't open his eyes, he just shook his head no.

"Okay, there's things in the room to eat if you get hungry later."

Dean didn't reply, but John knew he had heard him.

Once they made their way back to the room, Sammy was already asleep.

"He just had a diaper change and bottle before we left, so he should be fine for a while. How about, we just let him sleep in his clothes since he's already asleep?"

Dean shrugged his shoulders, but agreed that, since he was already asleep, it was best to let him stay asleep. He changed into his pajamas and curled in his bed, under the covers. He didn't want to function anymore, he just wanted the long day to end.

John sat on the edge of Dean's bed. "You're such an amazing, strong, boy. I am so lucky to have you as my son. I love you so much." John gave Dean a kiss on his forehead. "You're so strong. I love you so much, and I know Mom loved you too, don't you ever forget that, okay?"

Dean smiled at his dad and nodded his head, closing his eyes. John made sure he was tucked in, under his covers, and gave him another kiss goodnight before returning to his bed.

John turned the lights out, and once again, silently cried himself to sleep. He didn't want tomorrow to happen. He didn't want to do this anymore, either. But, knew there was no getting around it, it was something that had to be done. As the silent tears dripped down his face and soaked his pillow, he allowed his mind to drift to his oldest son, who was giving him the strength to make it through each day, and allowed his mind to think happy thoughts as the darkness overtook him and he drifted into sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Night the Lights Went Out in Kansas**

Chapter 5

The next morning found a nervous Dean. He didn't want to be around all the people who were there yesterday. He didn't want to sit and look at Mom's pictures. Dad had done a good job picking out the pictures. There was a big one that just had Mom in it, one with the whole family, and one with her and the boys. Dean loved looking at his mom, but it made his heart hurt, he missed her, all he wanted was to feel her arms wrapped around him again, to hear her sing to him, just one more time.

John could sense the nervousness off his oldest son. He, himself, was dreading today. It all felt so final. Once she was in the ground, she was gone. He knew she was already gone, but it just made it seem so real, like there was no way to ever get her back.

Breakfast went by silently, neither of them wanting to talk about the events ahead of them. They both found solitude in the youngest boy. He was still happy, not feeling the dread of the day. He laughed and cooed, and enjoyed the attention he got from the waitress. He also, enjoyed the attention he received the previous night.

John knew he wouldn't have a problem with him, he would be content with all the people who wanted to hold him, and play with him, and help take care of him. But, he was concerned about his oldest son. He hadn't spoke a word since the night of the fire, he wasn't happy. He took on the responsibility of his baby brother. He wasn't himself, wasn't the happy, bubbly 4-year-old that used to shine through his deep green eyes. He was withdrawn, scared, and wanted to isolate himself from everything and everyone.

John's heart ached for his oldest son. He knew he understood more than a child his age should understand, but he was a smart boy, and always paid attention to everything. He just seemed to be more aware than the other kids his age. John couldn't explain it, not yet. He would eventually, once he found out what a great hunter his son would become, but he'd have to find out about the hunting world before he realized his son's purpose. For now, he was just an observant little boy, with a deep knowledge of the world around him.

Dean was hesitant to walk into the funeral home, but he knew his dad said it was something he needed to do.

"Dean, it's going to be okay, we just gotta make it through today, okay?"

Dean nodded his little head. He was sad, but knew he couldn't cry, he needed to stay strong for his dad. He wasn't as worried about Sammy, he seemed to be doing okay, but, Dad cried every night. He was sad too, and missed Mom as much as he did, he needed to stay strong, to help his dad through this.

People started coming, the same as the night before. They oohed and awed over the boys, about how good looking they were, and how grown they are becoming. They handed Sammy around, everyone enjoying the thought of being able to help, and Sammy equally enjoyed the attention he received.

Dean tried to stay away from everyone. He hung onto his dad's side tightly, trying to make himself invisible so people wouldn't talk to him. It didn't help. They still talked to him, he, of course, didn't talk back. He would nod or shake his head as a reply, but didn't feel like speaking to any of them. He held on to his dad's hand, once he had made him release his side. John allowed that for a while, then made him let go of his hand.

He took him to another room, across the hall from his mom.

"Hey, Buddy, it's okay. I've told you that, right?" Dean nodded his head. "I need you to let me go, I need a little distance right now, okay? I'm still going to be right here, I won't be far from you, I promise."

Dean just frowned. He wanted to wrap himself around his dad, but he was just told not to, so he stood still.

"I'll tell you what. You can stay in here, for a little while. Okay?" Dean nodded his head. "Only for a little while. I need you to be around for people to see you, and soon, we are going to have to sit and listen to people talk, kind of like the church stuff Mom made us go to for Easter. And you need to be there for that, then we'll be going to the grave yard, but for now, I'll let you stay here."

Dean nodded his head again. Thankful Dad was allowing him to stay alone for a while. Just like John needed his space, Dean needed his too. Dad left, and Dean curled himself into a ball in the furthest corner away from everyone. It was mostly dark in the room. When Dad left, he closed the door behind him, blocking out the light, leaving only the sun that was coming through the window. It was silent, no one was around him, he didn't have to be strong, or try to show a pretend smile. He just rocked himself back and forth in the corner. He was thankful for the silence and solitude.

It didn't seem long enough when his dad came and got him. "Hey, Buddy, its time to go sit and listen to people, like I explained, okay?"

Dean frowned but got up and followed his dad out of the room. They sat in the front row. Dad held Sammy and Dean hung onto his arm, while holding his brother's hand. There was a preacher who stood there and talked about angels and heaven. He talked about how great his mom was. There were other people who stood in front and talked about their memories of Mary, and how much she would be missed.

Dean covered his ears, he didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't want to listen to what these people had to say about his mom. He didn't really care what anyone else thought about her. He didn't care how much everyone would miss her. He only cared how much he was missing her, and how much his dad was missing her. He only cared about his baby brother who needed Mom to take care of him, and Dad who needed his wife, the love of his life. He only cared about them, not everyone else. He knew that was selfish, and Mom would probably be ashamed of him, but Mom left them, and right now that's all he could think of.

John pulled Dean's hands down, off his ears, but he just put them back up. He leaned his head against his dad's shoulder, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. He was never so grateful when everyone was finally done talking. Dad told him he could go sit in the car, that they would be leaving soon. Dean left, happy to get away from all the people that he didn't care about.

Soon, Dad and Sammy joined him in the car.

"Dean, we're going to the graveyard now. We'll have chairs set up, under a tent, there's certain chairs we have to sit in. Someone will talk again, then they will be putting Mom's box in the ground. All the people, are going to follow us there, they will be standing around. This is everyone's last chance to say good bye to Mom."

Dean nodded his head and moved his way off the floor and into his seat, fastening his seatbelt. He sat there, as still as stone, waiting for their time to drive to the graveyard.

Once they finally arrived. He stayed close to his dad's side, following him to their seats. He sat, silent and still, just like Dad told him to. Everything went exactly the way Dad said it would, and the people around them cried and said their final goodbyes. Dad talked to the people when it was all over, but Dean remained in his seat. He watched as they lowered his mom into the ground, closing off the grave and covering it with dirt. Dad said they couldn't stay until they finished, he said they would finish covering it with dirt later, after everyone left.

Dean gave the hole his Mom's box was put into, one last look, before crawling into the backseat of their car, curling up in the floor, waiting for Dad and Sammy to join them.

Dean felt an emptiness, one he couldn't explain, one that he had never felt before. It was a dark pit deep inside his chest. His little hands started trembling first, then the rest of his body followed. He fought back the warmth of the tears that filled his eyes. He didn't want to let his feelings show. Everyone around them were crying, he didn't want to seem weak to them, or his dad.

He had fallen asleep, didn't realize his Dad had put Sam in his seat and drove them away from the grave.

"Hey, Champ, time to wake up!"

Dean slowly opened his eyes, followed by a big yawn. He was exhausted from the emotional turmoil that was happening inside of him. He didn't want to let his dad know about the way his body was fighting against his mind.

"We're gonna go in and get something to eat, you hungry?"

Dean looked around and saw they were at a restaurant, Dad had gotten out of the car and made his way to Sam, who was also asleep. Dean stepped out of the car and followed his dad inside. He allowed his dad to order for him, he didn't really feel like eating, but that had become a normal feeling for him past couple days.

"It's all over." His dad announced. "We don't have to worry about going back to the funeral home." He sat and thought for a minute, thanking the waitress when she brought their drinks. "Now, we get to move on with our lives." It seemed more like Dad was talking to himself out loud than talking to Dean. "I'm not sure, exactly what that means, I don't really know where we go from here, but we'll go somewhere."

The food came, and they ate in silence. John was feeling the loneliness and loss that was coming like a flood. He allowed a couple tears to fall from his eyes while he ate in silence. They didn't go unnoticed. Dean got out of his seat and sat on the bench beside his dad, giving him a hug, his way of telling his dad it would be okay. Dad hugged him back.

"I know, Champ, it'll be okay. Everything will work out."

Dean smiled at his dad.

"Go, finish eating your dinner."

Dean sat back in his seat. He was okay with not eating, he continued to push his food around, smooching it into his plate.

"Okay, well if you're finished, then let's go!" John said with a little anger in his voice. He wasn't angry at his son, he was just angry at life, and it came out in his tone of voice.

Dean shrunk away at the sound of his voice. He was sure he had done something wrong that made his dad angry. But, he just stood and took Sammy out of the highchair. Dad said it was time to go, and he wasn't going to argue with him. He wasn't going to make Dad madder.

Once they made their way back to the motel room, Dean automatically went back into 'take care of Sammy' mode. He started his bath water. Gave him his bath, followed by a clean diaper and pajamas. He then, placed him in his bed with his toys, while he took his own bath and put on his pajamas. Once he was finished, he made his brother's nightly bottle but decided to let him play a little longer before putting him to sleep.

"Hey, Dean, do you think you could take care of your brother for a little while? I'm thinking, I need to go do some things, alone. While you boys are asleep. You wouldn't even miss me, you won't even know I'm gone, unless your brother wakes up, but then you just do what you always do, give him a bottle, change his diaper, and put him back to bed. You think you could do that for me?"

Dean was hesitant, but nodded his head.

John smiled. "That's my boy!"

Dean had gotten his brother to sleep and fell asleep himself. He felt an even darker emptiness without his dad there. He felt like his whole little life was falling apart, like he was losing his entire family. At least he still had Sammy. He hoped that would never change.

John had visited the local bar when he left his boys. He loved them, and felt a little guilty about leaving them, but he needed some time alone. He needed to be able to drown his sorrows. He couldn't continue to be the father the boys needed while carrying around so much pain. He had met some men at the bar. He was in so much pain, carrying around so much sorrow, he opened up to the men he had met. Of course, the alcohol helped him open up to anyone who would listen.

He explained to them everything that had happened. Even the stuff he didn't tell the police, like the fact he had found his wife on the ceiling, bleeding from her stomach. That was an impossibility, right? There was no way the police would think him anything but crazy. But, these men, they listened. They paid attention to every word John had said to them. So, he kept talking. He didn't realize how much he needed to speak the truth, and not feel like he was crazy.

John woke his oldest son when he came stumbling into the room. He had never seen his dad drunk before, and wasn't sure what was going on. Maybe Dad was sick? He jumped out of bed to help him. He smelled funny, Dean crinkled his nose, but that didn't stop Dean from being there for his dad.

"Dean! My buddy!" John slurred out, happy to see his little guy at his side. And, he stumbled around with his hand as he attempted to pat his son on the back of his shoulder.

Dean helped him steady himself as he tried to make it to the bathroom to relieve himself. He then helped his dad to bed. Helped him untie his boots and removed them, then shrugged his arms out of his shirt and pulled his pants off. He may have only been 4, but he was helping his dad with a drunken stooper. It may be his first time, but it won't be his last.

One thing that neither of them realized was that tonight was a turning point for the Winchester family. Tonight, was going to change their lives forever. It was going to change their family forever. But, for tonight, they slept. John snored loudly as he passed out from the alcohol that filled his blood, and Dean laid back in his bed, allowing the night to take back over as he curled into a ball under his covers and rocked himself to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**The Night the Lights Went Out in Kansas**

Chapter 6

"Morning, Champ!"

John had woken up late, again. When he opened his eyes, Dean was sitting on his bed playing with his baby brother. Sam had woken Dean early wanting a bottle and clean diaper. Dad hadn't even stirred, he was still passed out. So, Dean took care of his brother's needs, fed him breakfast, and found some food for himself. He had dressed them both and was waiting for his dad to wake.

Dean just looked up at his dad when he spoke. He was wondering if he was feeling better. He still didn't understand exactly what had happened the night before. John, was sporting a hefty hangover, but had decided not to talk to his oldest son about what had happened. He figured he wouldn't understand anyhow. So, instead he headed to the shower, stopping to make a pot of coffee at the little coffee pot the motel provided.

"Have you eaten, yet?" He asked as he walked out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel. Dean nodded his head and pointed at the wrapper to the cereal bar he had eaten, sitting beside the container of baby food he fed Sammy.

John nodded his head back at him, acknowledging what his son was telling him. God, he wished he would start using his words again, but didn't say anything, he knew the kid just needed some time. At least, that's what he hoped was all he needed. He poured himself a cup of coffee as he finished dressing. He wasn't awake long before the motel phone rang. He answered it, and after finding out who it was, he pulled the phone into the bathroom and closed the door. He needed to have a private conversation with the person on the other end.

Once he hung up the phone, he sat in the bathroom, alone, letting the words that were just said to him sink in as he let the tears flow freely from his eyes. Once he gained his composer he stood, and returned to the room his boys were in.

"Hey, Buddy. I'm going to need you to watch your brother for a little while, okay? I need to go meet with some people, and I'm going to need the two of you to stay here. Think you can do that for me?"

Dean wasn't happy about it, it made him sad when his dad left him, made him feel scared. His mom left, and is never coming back, but if that's what Daddy needed then he was more than willing to help him out. He nodded his little head, reassuring his dad he could take care of his brother.

"That's my boy!" John said as he ruffed up Dean's hair with his hand. "I shouldn't be more than an hour, and when I get back, the three of us will go get some lunch, how does that sound?"

Dean smiled and nodded his head. He didn't really feel like eating, but was happy about spending the time with his dad. John left, and Dean continued playing with Sammy.

Time ticked by slowly for Dean. He had lived the same routine over the past few days, and it was getting boring. He woke, took care of Sammy, ate, took care of Sammy, would either return to the room or go to the funeral home, eat, return to room, get himself and Sammy baths and ready for bed, then sleep. Just to wake up and do it all over again. It seemed like all he had done since his mom died was sit and wait, waiting on nothing, just to move the location of his sitting.

He was, once again, sitting and waiting. He laid Sammy down for his afternoon nap, and decided, since there was nothing else to do, he would take a nap too. When he woke, Sam was still asleep, the clock had said 11:24 when Dad left, when he fell asleep he remembered seeing 12:52, and now it read 1:20. He wasn't completely sure, but he knew that had to be longer than an hour. But, he continued to sit and wait, he had nothing else to do.

"Hey, there, Buddy!" Dad said as he made his way into the room. "Sorry it took me so long. I see you got your brother down for his nap."

Dean smiled when he saw his dad return and nodded his head, it was almost time for Sammy to wake and Dean was starting to feel hungry, so he was glad his dad was back. He glanced at the clock and it read 2:35.

"How about we get Sammy's coat on and go get some lunch?"

Dean just nodded with a smile and retrieved his brother's coat. He let his dad put it on him while he put his shoes on and gathered his own coat. He was, once again, sitting in his seat of the car. It was just another place he found himself sitting and waiting.

Their lunch went by quickly, with little conversation. Dean could tell his dad had a lot on his mind, he seemed to be thinking hard. He didn't even seem to recognize Sammy when he tried to get his attention. He could tell his dad was eating absent minded, and wondered what could have his head so far away. Once they were finished, again, he found himself sitting and waiting in his seat of the car, heading back to the room where he would just sit and wait to sleep again.

Once they had returned. John put Sam in his bed, and sat on the edge of his own bed. He had sat there for a few minutes, his elbows resting on his knees and his head lowered into his hands.

"Hey, Dean Buddy, come sit beside me, I need to talk to you about something."

Dean stood and sat beside his dad.

"So, last night, I met these guys when I went out alone. I was sad, because I was missing your mom. So, I told them about what had happened, but I told them about the stuff Daddy didn't tell the cops, like how Mommy was on the ceiling."

Dean crinkled his forehead. Dad had said not to say anything about that, that no one would understand how she got up there, and he didn't understand himself, so it was best if that remained their little secret, besides it didn't matter anyhow.

"Well, these guys, they understood what I was telling them. I didn't think anyone would, but they did. And, they called me this morning. That's who I talked to on the phone, and who I had to go meet with earlier when I asked you to watch your brother."

Dean just continued watching his dad talk, he wasn't sure where this conversation was going, so he was trying to pay close attention.

"They call themselves hunters. Not the kind of people who hunt deer and bears, for food, these hunters are different. They hunt monsters. Like the ones that kids get scared of, being in their closets or under their beds."

John didn't completely understand it all, and was trying his best to explain it to his 4-year-old son. He didn't realize that he was changing Dean's perspective of the world, didn't realize he was starting a fire within his son. Dean was always his go to person, especially since Mom died. He was the one person he could talk to, that understood what he was going through, he was the one person who has helped him.

He felt like an empty shell, but Dean kept him from breaking apart, withering away into nothingness. Dean was his rock, his foundation that kept him strong. So, he didn't think about speaking the truth to him, even if it was something that would scare a kid his age.

"Well, they said, what happened to Mommy, it's happened to other people too. The whole burning on the ceiling thing. You know how Mom always told you angels were watching over you?"

Dean nodded his head.

"Well, if there's good, like angels, then there's also bad, which are demons. You can't really have one without the other. That's just the way things work. These guys, they hunt, and kill, the things like demons. They said that's what put Mommy on the ceiling, and what started the fire, was a demon."

Dean's eyes got wide, but he didn't show any fear. John wasn't sure if he was feeling fear, or if the kid felt anything at all. But he continued to listen to what his dad was saying.

"They are going to help me find this demon that killed Mom, and teach me about hunting, the way they do it, and about the monsters they hunt. So, we are going to move, okay?"

Dean nodded his head, he was tired of this room anyhow.

"We are going somewhere called Indiana. It's a different state, like Kansas, only colder."

Dean just continued to stare.

"We're going to meet up with these hunters when we get there, so I'm going to need you to be a big boy, and help me with Sammy, so I can learn everything I need to learn, okay?"

Dean just nodded his head.

"Okay, good boy, now let's get our stuff packed up so we can hit the road, it's a long drive."

Dean gave his dad a hug, his, non-verbal, way of telling his dad everything was going to be okay. John returned the hug with a pat to his son's back. He then, jumped off the bed and started packing their belongings. John sighed, he wasn't sure what he was getting himself into, but he needed to find the thing that killed his wife, and get revenge, make sure it never hurt anyone else the same way.

He started helping Dean pack the room. Once all their belongings were in the car, John put Sammy in his seat, and Dean sat in his, waiting for his dad to check out. They filled the car with gas and Dad drove to their old house and parked the car out front.

John and Dean both sat in their seats, staring at their old house. Neither of them knew what the other was thinking, they were both lost in their own thoughts.

John stared at the house, remembering his beautiful wife. He remembered the love they had between them. Even when life got hard, they still loved each other. He may have been hard headed and stubborn, even moved out for a few days over a stupid fight, but they still loved each other dearly. Sure, they didn't have the perfect marriage, but who does? Especially with 2 young boys. He worked long, hard hours at work so she could stay home with the boys. She always wanted to be able to be a devoted wife and mother, and when Dean was born, her wish came true. There was nothing she loved better.

Supper was always ready when John returned from work. She always had the house clean and the boys were kept clean and fed. They were happy boys. Dean always seemed to melt into his mom's arms. He loved her singing to him, and trusted without question. He was a little more stand offish with John, but, he figured that was because he was more of the disciplinary around the house.

Mary never seemed to find any fault in that kid. She always said he was just perfect, that she couldn't ask for anyone better. He would always help her make cookies and cakes, he liked to lick the batter when they were finished. He would help in the kitchen as much as he helped his dad at the shop. He didn't have a problem making sure his toys were picked up, and always picked up Sammy's stuff too.

Somehow, John wasn't sure how, but he had found fault in his oldest son. He couldn't see perfection. He saw a boy who needed a strong hand to teach him and guide him through life. He could see the smallest fault in that kid, and would discipline him accordingly. Mary always said he was too hard on him, but he needed to make sure he would grow up to be a strong man. Now, that he looks back on things, maybe he was a little too hard on him, but so far, he's turned out to be a pretty good kid, and has taken on responsibility like no other kid that John has ever seen.

Dean's thoughts were different. He stared at their house, it used to have perfect white siding with perfect black shutters. Mom always kept it so neat and clean. But, now the top window was missing, the roof above the window was gone too. There was a big, ugly, blue tarp covering the gaping hole. There was black soot that ran down the front of the house, and the siding was melted in different places. There was still yellow police tape around the house, part of it ripped off the door from his dad making entry.

He thought about the walls, all the giggles and laughter they held in them. The stairs that stood strong as his little feet ran up and down them. The smells from the kitchen, that always seemed to fill the house, locked away in the ceilings and floors. He remembered the kitchen counters that bore his weight when he sat on them to help his mom. And the walls that made way for his toys and bed and cradled him within them, keeping his safe as he slept. He thought about the things the house had seen, the words it had heard.

As he stared out the window, not completely understanding the meaning of everything that was running through his head, he released the home from his life. He was moving on, leaving this place behind. Leaving behind the pain and emptiness that the gaping hole and burned siding had left in his soul, but he was also leaving behind the love and laughter of a family that was once whole. He was leaving behind the final memories of his Mom. Letting it all go, allowing the unseen flames to burn them out of his memories.

He was letting go of the safety and happiness the home once brought to his life. The love and playfulness of his youth. The good night kisses and the comfort of being tucked into bed every night. He was leaving behind the hugs and smiles that once filled the empty spaces of the home. He was trading them for the unknown. For the newfound responsibility of his baby brother, for the comfort of his father.

He knew, once they drove away, he would never be back. Once he released it, he didn't want it back. He didn't want to re-enter the heartache that came with the memories of the house he once called home. He vowed, then and there, that he would never return. He wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but he knew what he felt. A small, silent tear slipped down his cheek, he quickly wiped it away, as his dad put the car back in drive and headed down the road, heading toward the next journey that life held for them.


	7. Chapter 7

**The Night the Lights Went Out in Kansas**

Chapter 7

Dean sat in the back seat, watching the world pass him through the glass of the window. The trees seemed to rush by, much like the thoughts in his mind. His dad said it would be a long drive, he was right about that. Dean wondered if this is what his life had come down to, sitting and waiting, riding in the car and living in a small room with his family.

Sammy slept most of the ride, the times that he woke Dean would play with him or feed him. The only stops they made were to get fuel or food. If they needed to use the bathroom at other times, John would pull to the side of the road, have himself or Dean do their business, then continue down the road.

The moon started to take the place of the sun. What was once warm and sunny, was now cool and dark. The scenery that was once filled with trees that had lost their leaves for the winter, and grass that was withering and changed between brown and green, was now filled with dark shadows and glimpses of shapes. Dean had fallen asleep a couple times, but was too anxious about the next chapter in his life to be able to sleep very well.

He started getting squirmy, he was tired of sitting in the car, tired of waiting for life to happen. He was still young, still needed to release pinned up energy, but John seemed to have forgotten that. It had been several days since his mom had died, and he had done nothing but sit in the car or at the funeral home, and live in the small room they stayed at, mostly taking care of his brother or sleeping. There were no activities for him to do. He was expected to behave, to be on his best behavior while around all the people who came to the funeral home. He was scared, and unsure about things. But, he still had the energy of a 4-year-old. He hadn't been able to be a kid since the night of the fire.

"Stop that!" John had repeated, for what seemed like the 50th time.

Dean stopped, sitting still for the moment. He had been up and down, sitting on his feet, pulling them back to the floor, bouncing his knees, kicking his feet, periodically he would kick the back of his dad's seat. His hands would run across the roof or trace all the lines of the door and seats. The constant movement was starting to wear thin on John. He was getting tired, that's for sure, which accounted for the short temper. But, he wanted to get to his location, so stopping for the night wasn't an option.

Finally, after what seemed like a life time, they pulled onto a dirt road. The sun had started lighting up the sky again, pushing the moon away. The road led them down a small path between trees. It looked like, in the full bloom of summer, the path would have been hidden by the growth of the trees. John had almost missed it even without the leaves hiding it. It was bumpy, with ruts and holes, but they continued down it, stopping once they finally reached their location.

Dean looked out the windshield, wide eyed. In front of them was an old looking house. It was 2 stories high. The paint on the outside had almost completely chipped away, leaving raw, gray looking, wood as the exterior. The windows were old, with shutters that were hanging loose, some of them missing. There were a couple windows that were missing too, they had wood boards in them to keep out the critters and outside temperature.

"Come on, Champ." John said as he got out and made his way around the car to retrieve Sammy. He was still asleep, so John decided it best to carry him in his car seat, he wasn't sure if there was anywhere to safely sit him inside, anyhow. Dean grabbed the back of his dad's shirt. He felt scared. This was one of those places that looked like it belonged in a scary movie that he was never allowed to watch.

They walked down a broken concrete walkway that led to the house. The old wooden porch, didn't look all that safe, the steps leading to it, looked like they could collapse anytime.

"Be careful, and don't get yourself in any trouble!" John warned before walking up the steps. Dean was still holding onto the back of his shirt, almost walking on his dad's heals.

John knocked on the door and even though the man who answered it was a stranger to Dean, his dad seemed to know who he was. He looked to be around his dad's age. He had dark brown, curly hair. A beard and mustache that completely covered his face. It was scruffy looking. His clothes looked like old farmer's clothes, like something they would wear while working in the fields. He was wearing an old flannel shirt and blue jean overalls. His boots were worn, with a small hole on the top of the toe on his right one. His curly hair was untamed, the same as his beard.

He handed John a beer, that he gladly accepted. Another man walked into the room.

"John! You're finally here, good to see you again!"

John shook his hand, then took a drink of his beer.

"Hey there." The stranger directed his comment to Dean, who just stepped closer to his dad, tightening his grip on his shirt.

"This here is Dean." John introduced. "He hasn't talked since the fire, so you won't get much conversation out of him. And, this little guy…" He said as he half raised the car seat with the sleeping baby in it. "Is Sam".

The man nodded. "He's the one who's nursery burned?"

John just nodded. After another drink and a quick pause. "Is there somewhere the boys could sit, that won't be in ear's shot of us?"

John knew what they would be talking about, and even though he had already told Dean what was going on, he didn't want them to be in the middle of the conversation.

"Of course!" The first man chimed in. "Come on, I'll take you into the other room, there's a tv and you can watch cartoons." He said as he placed his hand around Dean's shoulder, and taking the car seat out of John's hand. Dean didn't want to go with him, but he had his baby brother, so he let go of his dad and followed the stranger.

He seemed nice enough. He handed Dean the remote after putting it on cartoons for him, making sure he didn't want anything else. Of course, Dean just shook his head no, he would wait for his dad to offer him something to eat or drink before he would accept anything.

He dozed off during the cartoon, until Sammy woke up. He instantly went into big brother/mother mode. He took him out of his car seat, found a decently clean place to lay him down, and changed his diaper. He fed him some baby food that was in the diaper bag for breakfast, and gave him a bottle. He wondered if there was a place he would be able to give him a bath later.

He was tired of sitting, tired of being bored. He picked up his brother and decided he would look to see if he could find a bathroom, and maybe even a place that had a bed for them tonight. He wasn't sure if they were staying there or not, but his dad had made the comment that he would get their bags later, so he figured this was going to be their home, at least for the rest of the day and tonight.

He walked around the house, it was pretty much empty, except the necessities. It looked like it had been abandoned and these men took it over. There was still some old furniture and a bed room that even had some old woman's clothes hanging in the closet. The bed didn't look like anyone slept in it. It didn't look like the most comfortable, and it was covered in dust, but he figured it would do if that's where they needed to sleep for the night. He found a bathroom. It wasn't very big, and didn't have a tub, it only had a shower, but Dean figured, if he plugged up the hole in the bottom then he could get enough water in it for Sammy's bath.

"Dean! Where the hell did you go?" Dad shouted out, his voice full of anger.

Dean quickly made his way out of the room he had wondered into, his brother still in his arms.

"Dean Winchester! Didn't I tell you not to get into any trouble?"

Dean nodded.

"Get your ass over here right now!"

Dean did as he was told, without hesitation. He wanted to tell his dad he was making sure he had what he needed for Sammy, that he was checking to see if the house was safe enough for him, but he was already mad, so Dean decided it wasn't worth the effort to even try explaining his actions.

"Sit your ass on the couch and don't you get up! You hear me?"

Dean's eyes were starting to sparkle with unshed tears and he nodded his head and sat on the couch, in front of the tv. He wasn't used to his dad showing so much anger towards him. But, he had that same funny smell to him, the one he had the night he came back stumbling and unable to walk.

"On second thought, why don't you make yourself useful and go get your brother's bed, let him sit in it for awhile so he can play or something. He don't need to be held all the time."

Dean was confused, he didn't think he was big enough to carry the pack-n-play, but didn't want to make his dad any madder, so he did as he was told. He sat Sammy in his car seat, making sure he was buckled so he couldn't go anywhere, giving him a toy to play with out of his diaper bag.

He rushed out to the car, it wasn't easy. He had never gotten anything out of the trunk before. So, he struggled, trying to get it out from under the bag that was thrown on top of it, but he somehow managed. It was cold outside, he didn't even think to put a coat on. He wasn't thinking at all when he had headed outside to do as his dad said. He struggled with carrying the bed, but somehow managed.

Once he was back inside the warmth of the house, he felt pride in himself. He had managed to get his brother's bed out of the trunk and carry it inside, all by himself. He made his way to the room his brother was in. He was still playing in his car seat. Dean was relieved, even though he had only been gone for a few minutes, and their dad was there too, he still worried about him.

He tried to set the bed up by himself, but failed miserably. John, not seeming very happy, huffed when he came in to help his oldest son. He didn't say anything to him, it was just his body language and unspoken words that Dean heard so clearly. Once the bed was opened, John placed Sammy inside it, with his toys and bottle. Dean was on guard. His dad was starting to sway a little when he walked, and even though Dean didn't understand that it was from the stuff he was drinking, something tugged at him, telling him it wasn't safe for Dad to be holding his brother. But, Dean was in no position to protest.

"Now, sit your ass back down, and don't you move! Got it?"

Dean nodded, sitting back on the couch.

He was so tired of sitting, why couldn't his dad see that? The least he could do was let him walk around the house. He hadn't even been able to do that, the motel they were staying at was so small there really wasn't anywhere to even walk in it, and everywhere else they went he was only allowed to sit. Just like here, just like right now. He found himself sitting again.

The time ticked by. He had taken care of Sam, changed his diaper, fed him some more food and gave him a bottle, laying him down for his nap. Once he was asleep, Dean couldn't ignore the grumbling of his tummy any longer. He carefully made his way into the room where his dad and the other men were sitting.

All three men were drinking the same thing. They were sitting at an old kitchen table, with papers spread everywhere in front of them. Dean over heard them talking about some towns, or maybe states, and about house fires and babies and demons. He put the bits and pieces together and realized they were talking about other places where a baby's mom was burned in their house, the same way his mom was killed. There were others out there like him and Sammy. They weren't the only ones. They weren't alone in this.

He stood in the doorway, quietly, listening, afraid to interrupt. One of the men looked up and saw the wide eyed kid standing there, hesitant to walk completely in the room.

"Hey there, little guy, you need something?"

John jerked his head around and saw his oldest son nod his head.

"What'cha need?" John asked, his tone a little less angry than before.

Dean cautiously made his way to his dad, and rubbed his tummy as it made a loud rumbling sound.

John looked at his watch and realized it was nearing 2:00 and he hadn't fed his son, or himself, since their last stop at a gas station the night before. It wasn't really a supper, it was a bag of chips and some snack food off the shelf, so the kid had to be starving.

"Have you fed Sammy?" John asked, and of course, Dean nodded his head. John had no denial that his baby was taken care of. "He taking a nap?" Again, Dean nodded.

"Okay, well let's see what we have." One of the men said as he stood from his chair and made his way to the cabinet. "Got a can of raviolis, you want some?"

Dean nodded his head as the man turned to look at him.

"Okay, gimme a minute to heat it up."

Dean stood by his dad, eying the papers in front of them.

"This is the stuff I was telling you about. It's things about the demon that killed your mom."

Dean nodded his head at his dad, his way of saying he already knew, that he had already figured it out.

"Yeah, you're so smart, sometimes I forget how smart you are." John said with a smile as he ruffled up his son's hair.

"Don't really have much to drink, not for kids." The man said as he opened the fridge. "Got a can of Pepsi, will that do?"

Dean nodded his head, again, and was followed by an approval from John. The man handed Dean the bowl of raviolis and can of Pepsi. Dean sat on the floor near the doorway. He didn't want to be too far from his brother, but had been taught not to eat anywhere but the kitchen. He sat and ate his food while the men went back to discussing their findings. Once Dean was done, he took his bowl and fork to the sink and went back to sit where he was instructed to stay.

He decided, since there was nothing else he was allowed to do, and he had a full tummy and his brother was still sleeping, he would sleep himself. He didn't sleep much on the way there, and he was feeling the effects from it. He really wanted to run and jump off all the walls that felt like they were enclosing around him, but instead he laid on the couch and let sleep take the place of the restlessness he was feeling.


	8. Chapter 8

**The Night the Lights Went Out in Kansas**

Chapter 8

The first day of his new life seemed to go by slowly. All he wanted was his old life back, his old house, and his mom. But, that wasn't going to happen, ever. He had made a promise to himself that he would never go back to their old home, and his mom's body, or what was left of it, was in the ground. So, that made getting his old life back impossible.

He was right, when he investigated the home, they ended up sleeping in the room that didn't look like anyone had stayed in. The one with the dust covered bed, and woman's clothes hanging in the closet. Dean wasn't very happy because he wasn't able to give Sammy his bath, but he decided missing it one extra night wouldn't hurt anything.

He helped his dad set up Sammy's bed in the room. He changed his diaper and clothes, gave him his bottle, and laid him down to sleep. He was thankful he was such a good baby. He wasn't sure he'd be able to take care of him if he wasn't, but Sam seemed to understand that, and behaved for his big brother. Dad still had a funny smell on him, especially his breath when he talked. He was talking funny too, his words were getting all mixed together, and he didn't seem to be able to walk straight. The other men were acting the same way.

Dean wondered if his dad was sick, but that would mean the other men would be sick too. He worried that they would make Sammy sick, so he would have to keep a close eye on him, make sure he didn't start acting like the adults were acting. There was only one bed, and Dad had already said they would just have to share a bed, that Dean needed to suck it up, and not complain about it. He said he needed to be thankful that he had a bed at all, that some kids don't even have that.

The thing is, Dean hadn't complained, in fact he hadn't said a word since his mom died. He hasn't even made the slightest sign of being dissatisfied, he's just rolled with whatever life handed to him. The only time he showed any sign of being unhappy was when he was forced to be around so many people at the funeral home. So, he was confused why his dad would say those things, but he didn't question him, he just nodded his head in response.

What happened next, Dean would have never expected. Sure, his dad wasn't always perfect, and he was the disciplinary of the family. Plus, since Mom died, he's been short tempered, Dean figured he just needed a long nap and would feel better, be in a better mood. But, this, he never expected his dad to get so angry at him, especially when he hadn't even done anything wrong. He was trying extra hard to be good.

Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed, he had sat down to remove his shoes so he could go to bed, when John grabbed him by his shoulders. The strength he used was more than either of them were expecting, he lifted his son off the bed by his shoulders, the tight grip was sure to leave a bruise in the shape of his hands. He gave Dean a hard shake.

"You're lucky we found these men. They are going to help me find the thing that killed your mom. You should be thankful, you ungrateful little brat! Didn't I tell you, when we got here, not to get yourself in any trouble? Then I find you snooping around someone else's house? You should be ashamed of yourself! I better not catch you ever doing anything like that again! It's not safe, especially around here! Do you want some demon to kill you too? Huh? What about Sammy? Would that make you happy if a demon burned Sammy up the way he did your mom?"

Dean couldn't help but let a tear slip from his eye. He was scared of the way his dad was acting, and the thought of something hurting Sammy made him too sad to be able to think clearly. He just shook his head, he didn't want anything to happen to his brother. His dad dropped him back on the bed. His anger was raging. He wasn't necessarily angry at his first born, but he was the only living body that was around that he could lash out at.

"Get to bed, boy, before I do something we'll both regret!"

Dean didn't waste any time scrambling up to the head of the bed and tucking himself under the covers. He wiped the evidence of the single tear off his cheek. He chose the side closest to Sam, he knew he would be the one waking up with him in the middle of the night, so it only seemed logical that's where he slept.

John stumbled around the room a little longer, letting his anger die down before laying next to his son. He didn't mean to get angry at him, but, the kid needed to understand it just wasn't safe. Hell, John was just beginning to understand it himself. Before he met these men, he had no clue these things were real. There lives were changing, there was no going back now, and Dean would just have to learn to accept it too. He wasn't worried about his youngest son, he was still young enough he would never know the difference.

Once John thought his anger was under control he made his way to his side of the bed. The alcohol wasn't helping matters any. He didn't usually drink that much, but being around people who did, and learning everything he had learned during the day, led him to drink more than he was used to. He was regretting it now, it had caused his temper to go uncontrolled.

He couldn't help but feel his son stiffen his body when he laid beside him. He could have sworn he even shuffled himself closer to the edge, and further away from John. He didn't mean to scare him. He didn't mean to upset him, or make him cry. It was the first tear that John had seen fall from that boy's eyes since the night Mary died.

John allowed the tears to slip from his own eyes as he realized, not even the death of his own mother made his son cry. The added weight to his shoulders, the new responsibility of his brother, none of it seemed to break that boy. He's stayed strong through everything. Until now. The angry words out of his own mouth, the physical hatred he expressed toward him, had caused the first, single, tear to fall. His son was still strong, he had no doubt in that, but out of everything that little boy has faced over the past week, none of it caused him the heartache that John had just caused.

"Dean, I'm sorry."

John choked out. They were both laying with their backs to each other. He didn't have the energy, or will power, to turn himself around. To embrace his son in loving arms, the way he should have. Instead, he said three simple words, and left it at that, expecting that to be enough. And, it was.

Dean pushed it all away, hid any heartache that still remained. He built another brick onto his wall. The wall that would soon be taller than he would ever be. He didn't understand everything, but he had enough trust in his dad to believe that everything would be okay, that his dad would keep them safe and taken care of. He also would never question anything his dad ever said or done. And soon, he would learn to never question a direct order either. And, everything his dad told him to do, or not do, would be considered an order.

But, for now, the day had been long, and the night had crept in. The room had become as dark as the world around them. Dean closed his eyes, willing for sleep to take over, to flood him, quickly, so he didn't have to feel anymore. He was only four, and he already hated feeling. He enjoyed sleep much more. He didn't get much of it. Some nights Sammy would allow him to sleep, but other nights it seemed like that kid was up every couple hours. He hoped tonight would be one he would let him sleep.

Actually, Dean wished he could just stay asleep. He would much rather sleep than have to face the world around him. But, he knew he couldn't. He had to take care of his brother, and be his dad's leaning post when he got weak and heartbroken. Dean didn't have time to sleep when he was needed by so many other people. He figured tomorrow would be a better day.

He allowed his thoughts to float away, and he pictured the image of his mom's face. She was smiling at him, telling him what a big boy he was and how proud she was of him. He let a smile fill his face, as he tucked the covers around his shoulders and drifted to sleep in the peace and warmth of his mom's gentle words and loving smile.

John, didn't have such an easy time falling asleep. He laid still, listening to his baby boy's soft snoring. He could feel Dean shift around, making himself comfortable on the old, lumpy mattress. He wondered if he was doing the right thing. He started questioning his decisions. He wasn't sure this was what was best for his boys, he didn't think it seemed very safe. But, then again, living in a perfect home, having the perfect job and perfect family wasn't safe either. Living the apple pie life didn't protect them from an attack from a demon. It didn't save them from the heartbreak they faced.

He figured, since now he knew these things were real, that monsters existed, that trying to settle down and live a normal life, was no longer a safe option. So, either way, their lives were at risk. He didn't want to just sit around and do nothing, he needed to take action, he needed another way to vent the anger and frustration he was feeling. He couldn't take it out of his boys. They were innocent, just young children, being forced into the same life he was pushed into.

John decided, he was making the right decision for his family, that if they were going to be attacked, at least he wasn't going to sit back and allow it to happen without a fight. He needed to protect his boys. He needed to protect them in a way he couldn't protect his wife. In a way he didn't know he needed to protect her. He needed to move forward with this. Learn everything he could about this thing that destroyed his family. He needed to learn everything he could about all the monsters that threatened the safety of his boys.

With a new determination, he closed his eyes. Tomorrow would be a new day, a better day. He was on a mission, a mission he couldn't back down from. He was no longer just trying to avenge his wife's death, but now, he was also trying to protect what was left of his family. He was on a mission to find out everything he could about everything there was to know about. In the process, he would find the demon responsible for Mary's death, that he was sure of.

He decided, there had to be more people out there, just like the two men he had stumbled upon. He would find out everything he could from them before moving on. He was sure they would be able to point him in the direction he needed to go, they could tell him about others like them. But, first, he needed to gain all the information that these men had to offer. He figured a few more days, or possibly a week, or two, with them wouldn't hurt. He would have to watch his alcohol intake, that's for sure. And, get his boys some food and drinks that were suitable for them. But, he could make it work.

It would work. He had a plan in place, he was no longer wondering around, feeling lost. He had a new determination and a new peace in the place that Mary's death left an empty hole. He felt sure about his path in life, the path he was carrying his sons down. He listened as he heard both his boys' calm breathing and light snores. With that, he allowed the darkness to creep in and drift him off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**The Night the Lights Went Out in Kansas**

Chapter 9

When morning broke, John woke with a new mission. He was no longer going to sit around and feel sorry for himself. He felt like he had a mission, a purpose in life again. Dean seemed hesitant around his dad, he wasn't sure how to take the events of the night before.

"Hey, Buddy, come sit down, we need to talk about something." John spoke in a calm, fatherly voice.

Dean sat on the bed beside his dad.

"Look, I'm sorry about what happened last night. This hasn't been easy on me. I'm sure it's not easy on you either. These men, that live here, they drink things only adults can drink, okay? And, sometimes, when you drink too much of it, it makes you act funny. It can make your mind not want to think right. And, it can make you mad, or sad, or crazy. It just depends on each individual person. That's why, sometimes, Daddy stumbles when I walk, and, why I got so mad last night. I'm going to try really hard to not let that happen again, okay? I'm going to try not to drink so much of it, but that's the way these guys are, and what they give me to drink."

John paused, making sure Dean was following what he was saying. He was, so he continued.

"Look, I need to stay here for a few more days, okay? Then we will move on to some where else. But, I need you to be a big boy and take care of Sammy, do you think you can do that?"

Dean nodded his head, it wasn't like he wasn't already taking care of him.

"Good!" John ruffed up Dean's hair. "I've got some things I need to learn from them, then we'll find somewhere else to go. You can either sit in the room with the tv, or you can stay in here, but I don't want you wondering around anywhere else, it's not safe, got it?"

Dean nodded.

John patted him on his leg. "That's my boy!" He said as he stood and made his way out of the room.

Dean decided he wanted to stay in their room with the bed. It was better than being around the other men. For some reason, he didn't like them, didn't trust them. But, then again, there weren't too many people he did trust. Even at his young age, he seemed to be a good judge of character.

John returned to the room about an hour later. Dean was sitting on the bed playing with Sammy. He had already changed his diaper and clothes, and fed him his baby food. John dropped a bag of food and drinks on the bed for the boys. Dean was glad, because he was starting to feel hungry.

"If you need anything, I'll be in the kitchen, okay?"

Dean nodded and his dad left again.

Dean ate some of the food, and part of a drink, he stored some of it away in the diaper bag. He had already realized food wasn't always available when he needed it, so he would store some for the times he was super hungry. He had learned, if he ate small amounts over a long period of time, instead of eating a lot all at once, it kept him feeling fuller.

He continued playing with Sammy. He loved the way his little brother laughed and giggled. He had learned how to say Dean's name. Which made him feel proud. He didn't even say 'Daddy' yet, but he said "Dee". It only seemed fitting, since he was the one taking care of him, but Dean hadn't tried to get him to say his name, in fact, Dean hadn't even said anything himself. He still hadn't uttered the first word since his mom's death. It wasn't that he couldn't talk, he just didn't want to.

He didn't understand, at his age, but he had closed himself off from the world, everyone except Sammy. He had shut down. He hardly ate anything. If he knew what it meant, he would probably find he was dehydrated, and malnourished. He didn't speak, he didn't play, except with his brother, but that was different. That type of play was to keep the baby happy, it was baby play, not age appropriate play. He wasn't given the opportunity to release the normal energy a child his age should have. Actually, he didn't seem to have any energy anymore. He lost the will to even care.

He was broken. There was an emptiness that seemed to consume his entire body. The only thing that put a smile on his face was his little brother. The only thing that mattered to him at all was his little brother. If not for Sammy, Dean probably wouldn't even have the will, or want, to continue living. Sammy held him up, gave him the push he needed. He, of course, didn't recognize this at his age, but it was the beginning of a life long struggle of a deep-rooted need for his brother, a fight between giving up or being strong for him.

Right now, he had chosen to be strong, giving up wasn't an option as long as his little brother needed him. And, he was the big brother, so his little brother would always need him! He wouldn't always need him to change his diaper, or feed him, but there would always be something he would need from his big brother. At least, Dean hoped that was true, because, if he was being honest, he needed his little brother just as much. He needed his little brother to give him the push he needed to stay alive and keep fighting through life. As long as he had Sammy, he had a purpose, a reason, without him, he was nothing.

The days blended together. They were all the same. It didn't matter what time of day it was. They went through their daily routines just the same. He figured out how to give Sam a bath in the shower. He made sure he gave him one every night. He was anticipating them leaving soon, and wasn't sure if the next place would have a tub or not, so he wanted to be as prepared as he could. Everyday, his dad would give him food, like cereal bars, or little bags of crackers or cookies, and juice boxes. It wasn't the best food for a little boy, but it was all he could do around this area.

Dean would eat just enough to keep his tummy satisfied, then he would put the rest away, saving it for when he needed it. He had started giving Sammy some of his food too, the softer stuff that he could slobber on without choking. He did have some teeth, so that helped. But, he was running low on baby food, so Dean figured that needed to be saved for later too. At least he had plenty of formula for bottles. If nothing else, he would just fix him extra bottles when he got hungry.

He was also running low on diapers, so Dean didn't change him as often as he needed. He was good about changing him every couple of hours, even if he really didn't need it, but now, he could only change him when needed. The days turned into a week. But, to Dean, it could have been a year, it all felt the same.

He had fallen into a depression that he didn't know was possible. He was too young to understand feelings, and a kid his age shouldn't have such a deep sadness. But, he wasn't a normal kid his age, and wasn't living a normal life. The fact he wasn't talking, and hadn't been active since his mom died, kept the deepening of the depression from his dad noticing. He wasn't around him anyhow, so he didn't see that the boy would lay down and sleep as often as he could. He even stopped playing with Sammy so much. He would put him in his bed to play and Dean would return to sleep.

The darkness, the lack of consciousness, the loss of feelings, it was all better than being awake and living in the endless cycle of life. He didn't show any emotion, either way, when his dad said they were leaving. Dean just helped pack their belongings and got his brother ready for the car ride. He hadn't left his room in a week, except to use the bathroom, which due to the dehydration, wasn't very often, and to give Sammy his bath. He didn't even care if he had a bath anymore, but of course, he had to keep himself clean too or his dad would complain.

When they said their goodbyes, Dean held tight to his dad's side. He just wanted to sink away, to not be seen or spoken to. John had Sam in one arm, and the other arm wrapped around Dean's shoulders. He ushered them out to the car. Dean sunk into his seat, glad to be out of that dark, dusty room, and back to a place that was familiar. He really wanted to sink into the floor, that was his safety place, but he knew his dad would get upset because he needed to be buckled in the seat when he drove, so he sat still.

John pulled away from the house, Dean stared at it out of the window, again, the same as with his family home, he vowed to never return. The place had a darkness about it, one he didn't like. And, the men who lived there gave him a creepy feeling.

"I figured, when we get back to the main road we'll stop somewhere and get us a good meal, what'cha think?"

John looked at his son in the mirror, and his heart sank. He saw Dean shrug his shoulders. He wasn't really hungry, he had learned to live off practically nothing. His head was lowered, his eyes had this empty sadness about them. The once bubbly little boy was sunk into his seat, shoulders slumped, and his skin looked pale.

"You feeling okay, Champ?"

Dean glanced up at his dad, caught his eyes in the mirror, and nodded his head.

"I know that place wasn't ideal, but I needed to learn some things from them, and now that I have, we won't need to go back there again, okay?"

Again, Dean just nodded his head as he lowered it back down.

"I figure we need to go to the store too, am I right?"

Nod.

"Let me guess, we need diapers?"

Nod.

"Wipes?"

Nod.

"Baby food?"

Nod.

"Water?"

Nod, Dean wasn't about to make his brother a bottle with anything but bottled water, especially in a place like where they were just at.

"Formula?"

Dean shook his head, he still had plenty of that.

"Snacks for my champ?"

Again, Dean shook his head, he had plenty stored away in his brother's diaper bag, but he wasn't interested in eating them anyhow. It was only for survival purposes, and to make sure Sam had something if he ran out of his food.

"You don't want any snacks for yourself?"

Dean shook his head again.

John's heart sunk a little more. When had his little boy become so emotionless? When did he become so pale looking? So thin? He started thinking of the past week or so that they were staying with the hunters he had met, and realized he hadn't even been around his boys, except to sleep. He didn't know how much either of them had eaten. He wasn't aware when baths were given or diapers were changed. He didn't even know if they still had diapers or baby food. He didn't know what his boys had done over the past week, closer to a week and a half. In fact, he couldn't even remember if they had been out of the room, he doubted it, because the tv was never turned on, and those were the only two places he told Dean he could go.

"Hey, Champ, it'll get better, I promise. I know it's different right now, I know there's a lot to get used to, a lot to process, but it'll get better, you just gotta give it some time."

He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself instead of Dean.

John had never felt so thankful when he had pulled into the nearest town. The silence in the car was becoming too much, there was an awkwardness about it. First, they went to the nearby diner. After John had ordered their food, even though Dean shook his head 'no' when his dad asked what he wanted, he ordered him food anyhow. Then, for the first time in 2 weeks, he told Dean to sit still, that he was going to go change Sam's diaper, you could smell him a mile away.

John figured, with all the responsibility he had placed on his oldest son, the least he could do was change his youngest's poopy diaper while he was able. He hadn't expected to find what he did when he started to change Sammy. His heart sunk even more. Under the few diapers that were left, was 2 containers of baby food, probably the last 2 John figured, and packs of the food he had given Dean through out the week. It only appeared that a few things were eaten. He wondered if his son had eaten at all, or if he put the food in the bag for his baby brother.

John finished changing his son and returned to their table. He had returned just in time; their food was being served.

"MMM this looks good, doesn't it son?"

Dean just looked up at his dad and forced a half-hearted, crooked smile.

"Eat up!" He said to Dean as he took a bite of his own food.

Sammy was happy, playing in his food as he fisted it into his own mouth.

Dean gave Sam a slight smile, he could always bring up a smile in Dean, even if it was a small one.

Dean took a bite, and his stomach protested. He hadn't eaten real food in so long, and actually, he hadn't eaten an entire bite of food in even longer. His tummy was starting to rumble at the smell, bringing back hunger with a vengeance, but it was also protesting the feel of something so solid, so heavy, that had just been introduced to it.

He fought back the urge to vomit. He sipped on his Coke, trying to settle his stomach. He started smooshing his food, and cutting it up with his fork, pushing it around on his plate. It made it look like there was less than there actually was. Dean had taken a few more nibbles of food, but felt full after just that little bit. He had given some of his food to Sam, piece by piece. Sam gladly took it an ate it.

John watched his son's behavior. He hadn't noticed it before, not until he found the food stored away. He knew his son hadn't eaten as much since his mom's death, but he hadn't realized the kid was practically starving himself. He knew he never finished his plate full of food, but he didn't pay it any attention, he didn't realize he was feeding some to his brother, and just pushing his food around, making it look like less. John figured Dean had only ate the one good bite, and 2 or 3 small nibbles. He didn't even finish his small cup of soda.

"Dean." John leaned half over the table, and was speaking in a quiet voice, so only Dean could hear. "You need to eat, Buddy, you can't let yourself starve."

Dean looked up at his dad with those empty, saddened eyes, and shook his head no, pushing the plate away from him.

"You not hungry?"

He shook his head no again.

"Are you full already?"

He nodded his head, yes.

"Okay."

John wasn't sure what to do about this situation he was now facing. Oh, how he wished Mary was there. She would know how to fix it. Maybe it's just something, a phase, kids go through? He hoped that's all it was, and not anything more serious. But, then again, he hasn't even been around his kids to know if there was anything wrong. Maybe the kid was sick or something?

Once they had all finished, Dean was curled in the corner of his booth with his eyes closed. He wasn't completely asleep, but he wasn't completely awake either.

"You ready to go to the store, stock up on what we need? Then hit the road again?"

John's voice pulled Dean from his sleepiness. When he opened his eyes, his dad was lifting Sam from his chair. Without a reply, Dean scooted himself out of his seat and stood beside his dad.

In the store, he tried to get Dean to pick out some food and drinks for himself, it was a loosing battle. In fact, the items he did pick out, only because he was being forced to, were things Sammy could eat and drink too, if needed, for survival. That act didn't go unnoticed by John, especially since he watched his oldest son feed the little one his food, making sure he had plenty to eat, and the fact the other snacks were tucked away in his diaper bag with his baby food, and they were all things the little one could eat on too.

Once they had left the store, John's heart was heavy. He watched as his son sunk back into his seat, almost invisible to the world, leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes again.

John let out a sigh as he started to engine and drove away, toward his next destination.


	10. Chapter 10

**The Night the Lights Went Out in Kansas**

Chapter 10

Dean sat in his seat, watching his dad from his window. He had stopped to meet someone else, another hunter, his dad told him. This man didn't seem to have the same effect on Dean. This man didn't send off the same vibe the other men did. But, he still didn't trust him, he didn't trust anyone, so the fact he didn't trust this man was nothing new.

John got back in the car.

"We're going to go grab some food, I told them I needed to feed my boys before anything else." John gave his son a smile through the rear-view mirror. "Then, we're going to go meet up with the man I was just talking to, he said he knows someone who can help me with what I need, to find Mom's killer. And, he also said he's sure he wouldn't mind us crashing at his place for a few days while he helps. But, he's not used to kids, so I need you to be good, and help with your brother, okay?"

Dean nodded. He didn't care about eating, but was in no hurry to go to another man's home.

They stopped at a small diner, the same routine as before, John ordered their food, Dean took a couple small bites and made sure Sammy had enough to eat. Those actions were followed by Dean pushing his food around his plate, and smashing it, to make it look smaller and give the appearance of more being gone. Of course, it didn't go unnoticed, since John had first noticed his son's actions, he had kept a close eye on his food intake. He also noticed his oldest son was getting thinner, but his baby was staying fat and plump.

Once they had finished eating, they stopped at a store and Dean stayed in the car with his brother while John went inside and purchased some snacks and drinks for the boys, enough that should last them a few days.

John returned to the car and his heart skipped a beat. He saw his youngest son, asleep in his car seat, but didn't see his oldest. He pulled the door open with a panic, and noticed his son, curled into the floor.

"Dean! What the hell are you doing? Boy, you gave me a heart attack! Get back in your seat!"

Dean jumped, startled by his dad's anger. He didn't hesitate, he jumped in his seat and buckled, giving his dad a look of apology.

John sighed. "Boy, you can't scare your old man like that." He closed the door after setting the bags in the floor and returned to the driver seat. Dean watched as the landscape around them brushed by as they left the town and headed to a more remote area. They stopped, meeting with the man again, then headed somewhere else. John was following the other man.

Dean's eyes widened, they had pulled into a place with lots of cars. They didn't look like they were drove, some of them didn't even have all their parts, but it peeked Dean's interest. He remembered helping his dad with the cars at the shop. He wished he could go back to those days and help him like that again. These days, it seemed the only help he could give was taking care of his brother, which he didn't mind, but, if he was honest, it was boring most of the time.

He eyed the big area that all the cars were in, he imagined running through the rows of cars and helping whoever owned them fix them. He could put Sammy's bed out there, and still be able to do his job of watching his brother. For the first time since his mom's death he felt a glimmer of hope.

He slid out of his seat and made his way around the car. Dad was getting Sammy out of the car. Suddenly, without warning, a big dog came charging at them, he had an angry sounding bark and growl, showing all its teeth at them. Dean jumped and grabbed tight onto his dad's leg. His little hands were trembling and grabbing onto his dad's pant leg.

The dog stopped short of reaching them, the end of the chain yanking him back with a slight yelp.

"Don't you worry about him none, he won't hurt no one, his bark is meaner than his bite." A voice from the front doorway yelled out. The other man, the one who they had followed there, just let out a chuckle.

The guys walked toward the house, Dean refused to release his dad's leg until they were safely inside the home. They made their way inside, and when the door closed behind them, Dean loosened his grip.

"I'm Bobby Singer, Doofus here, says you need some help tracking someone down?" John nodded, shaking his hand.

Bobby bent to shake Dean's hand, instead the boy just sunk deeper into his dad's leg.

"John Winchester, and that there is Dean, don't mind him, he's become bashful and hasn't spoken a word since his mom's death. And, this little guy is Sam. He won't be of any trouble, Dean keeps a good eye on him."

Bobby just nodded and gave them a grin.

He wasn't used to being around kids, never really liked them. But, there was something about the bashful, silent boy that dug deep into his heart. He could almost feel an instant connection between the two, all though, that would be impossible, Bobby Singer didn't have a connection with anyone. He was a loner, he didn't want to keep anyone close, he enjoyed his life of solitude, helping the hunters here and there, but no one ever really bothering him.

John sat Sam down in his seat, the little guy had just woken from his nap.

"Dean, fix your brother a bottle and take care of him, Bobby and I have some things to talk about."

Dean nodded and went to take care of his brother. The other man had left once introductions were made. Bobby's heart broke a little for the young child, being given the responsibility that was sometimes too much for even an adult to handle. But, he watched as the boy did his job without complaint.

Bobby's mind flashed back to when he was young. His dad was a drunk, a mean drunk. Bobby remembered having to be on his best behavior at all times when his dad was around, even when he wasn't around, his mom was so scared of the old man that she made him stay clean and not get into any trouble.

If everything wasn't perfect, it would set the old man off. He never had much of a chance to be a kid, fear took over the chance of having fun. Funny thing is, he grew up to be a drunk, the same as his dad. But, he wasn't a mean drunk. He was married once, but hadn't had any kids, he didn't want any, sure, his wife did, but he didn't want a repeat of his own childhood. He vowed many years ago that he would never have a child, he didn't want to beat on them the way his dad did with him.

That's the reason he wasn't used to being around kids. He avoided them like the plague, he had no interest in entertaining the little brats. There weren't many hunters with kids, and Bobby was thankful for that. The ones who did have children, were usually married couples, some of them had become hunters because the supernatural killed one of their children.

But, he just couldn't seem to shake this feeling he had about this family, and those boys. He kept watching the oldest, and couldn't help but feel a sense of pride the way he was so responsible at such a young age. John didn't even seem to notice. He was oblivious to what he was doing to his boys, especially the oldest, but then again, he was just learning the hunting ways, he wasn't used to believing in the monsters of the night, much less the dangers they possessed.

"You guys hungry?" Bobby spoke up.

They had been sitting at the table, going over demon stuff, for hours. It was getting close to dinner time, and he was sure they were feeling as hungry as he was. Dean had made sure Sam was fed and changed, but John had forgotten to bring the bag from the store into the house, not that it mattered, Dean would have just saved it for later anyhow.

"I'll fix us up some grub." Bobby added.

"Yeah, that sounds nice. You wanna eat, Dean?" John replied.

When both men looked into the other room at the oldest boy he just shrugged his shoulders at them. Bobby couldn't help but notice the sadness filling the boy's eyes. The little face that should have held so much innocence, held sadness and hurt instead.

"I'm sure you've had a long drive, and busy day, there's a room upstairs if you wanna lay down and rest while I fix us up some grub." Bobby suggested to John. John was more than happy to take him on his offer. Sammy was laying in his bed, sleeping.

"Dean, you watch your brother, I'm going to take Bobby up on his generous offer and catch a little shut eye."

Dean just nodded, and sat still on the couch while his dad made his way upstairs. On the exterior, the boy seemed to be calm, and sat without moving, but on the inside, he felt like he was about to jump out of his own skin. He wanted to go outside, to investigate the cars, to do anything but sit in one spot, only moving when Sammy needed something.

"You wanna come help, boy?" Bobby's question made Dean both excited and scared, but he nodded his head, even if he did have a little hesitance behind it. "Your brother'll be just fine, we'll hear him if he wakes."

Dean gave Bobby a slight grin and followed him into the kitchen. This was the first thing he was allowed to do since the night his life changed. Well, except take care of his brother. But, he had lost his childhood, his ability to think for himself, his ability to play and have fun. He enjoyed this, it was the first thing that was anything close to family activity, even if it wasn't with family.

"Hand me those carrots over there, will 'ya?" Dean did as he was told. "You know how to measure cups of water?" Dean shrugged his shoulders. Mom had taught him before, but it seemed so long ago.

Bobby was patient and showed him how to use a measuring cup and helped him add the water, he then had him help chop some other vegetables, teaching him the safe way to use a knife. It was an important lesson for someone who was going to be living the hunter lifestyle.

"Now, we just gotta wait for it all to cook, then we'll have some of the best homemade vegetable stew you've ever tasted." Dean grinned up at Bobby, as he returned the grin. This is the first time he had felt any part of happiness in a long time.

"You like cars, boy?" Bobby asked as they both sat at the table to wait for the food to cook.

Dean nodded his head.

"You ever help the old man work on any cars?"

Dean excitably nodded his head.

"Maybe we can go out and gander around the cars later?"

Dean gave Bobby a smile.

Bobby got up and checked on the food, returning to his seat, a beer in one hand and juice box in the other.

Dean took a few sips of the juice, glancing toward the doorway to make sure he didn't hear his little brother waking.

"He's fine." Bobby reassured. "You been taking care of him since your mom died?"

Dean nodded.

"You've had to really grow up, huh?"

Again, Dean nodded.

"Don't feel like talking much, I take it. Must not be very easy for a kid your age, losing your mom like that, and then having your whole life change so quickly."

Dean lowered his head, letting his eyes follow to stare at the ground.

"You know what killed your momma?"

Dean slowly nodded, not lifting his head.

"Your daddy told ya, huh?"

Dean nodded again.

"Well, you just take this at your own pace, when you're ready to talk, you'll talk again. And, if you have any questions, or need someone to talk to, I'm right here."

Bobby left it at that. He got up and checked the food again. He wasn't usually one to talk to little kids. He wasn't the type who cared to listen to other's problems and he sure as hell wasn't the type to lend a shoulder to cry on, but there was something about this boy. Something, that maybe reminded him of himself. Something that told him he needed to build a relationship with him, that the kid needed him.

"Supper's ready. You wanna go wake your daddy?"

Dean nodded and headed upstairs.

"What the hell are you doing up here? And, where is your brother?"

Dean pointed downstairs and motioned his dad to come with him.

"You telling me you left your brother with a stranger? Boy, I outta beat the hell out of you, right now. I can't believe you'd do something so stupid!"

Dean's body tightened. He didn't like when his dad got mad like this. He had only left him for a moment, plus he was sleeping, so it wasn't like he was going to get into anything. And, he trusted Bobby. He wasn't sure why, but he did. He felt comfortable with him.

John grabbed his son by his shoulders. Flashbacks of the night his dad was drunk ran through the little boy's memory, he wrinkled his forehead, and fought back a tear. Both turned toward the door when they heard someone clear their throat.

It was Bobby. He was standing in the doorway, looking none the happier. I sent the kid up here to let you know Supper was ready. The little one is fine! Besides, it's not like I'm going to do anything to either of them. It's no different than you leaving them alone while you slept up here. You really think that boy is old enough to protect himself, let alone his baby brother?"

Bobby was never the type to keep his mouth shut either. He would speak his mind and not think twice about it.

"Come on, boy." Bobby said to Dean. "Let's go get some grub while your daddy decides to have an attitude change."

Bobby eyed John, telling him without words that he would not tolerate that type of behavior, that no one would be beating anyone in this house. Not anymore, not since his old man died.

Dean hesitated, sending a glance at his dad, who nodded at him that it would be okay to leave the room. Dean followed Bobby downstairs.

"You okay, boy?" Bobby asked once they were downstairs.

Dean nodded his head, but his eyes showed the tears he was trying to hold back.

He woke Sammy, carrying him to the table, and feeding him some soup. Their dad came down, joining them.

"You better make sure you eat some food too!" John's voice held more anger than he realized.

Dean didn't even look at his dad, he only continued to feed his brother, making sure he had plenty to eat. Once Sam was done, Dean carried him back to his bed, setting him down, then returning to put the bowl and spoon in the sink.

"Bring me your brother!" John demanded, which Dean did without question. "Now, you need to sit down and eat you some food!"

Dean just stood in front of his dad, he didn't feel much like eating.

"NOW!" John shouted, causing his oldest son to jump and the youngest to start crying.

"Well, looks like someone needs a nap." Bobby chuckled. "John, why don't you take your little one upstairs, its getting late and you're obviously still tired as hell. I'll take care of him." He pointed at Dean. "Don't worry, besides, I told him, him and I would go out and look at some of the old cars on the lot, if that's okay with you."

"Yeah, sure, sounds great." John said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. He didn't feel like dealing with either of his boys, but he was for sure still tired.

"Dean, look after your brother." John said as he stood and walked out of the kitchen to put Sam back in his bed.

Bobby quickly followed, leaving Dean alone.

"John, hey, look, I know we just met and all, but, it seems to me you've put a lot of crap on your son's shoulders. Now look, I ain't trying to start nothing, or tell you how to raise your sons, 'cause lord knows, I ain't got a clue. But, how about you give that kid a break? Take the little one upstairs with you."

Bobby hesitated, not wanting to overstep his boundaries. "He doesn't seem to be much trouble. Let your oldest boy, be a boy, at least for a little while. I don't mind him looking through the cars in the yard, and this place is guarded. I know we haven't talked about it all yet, but there's symbols you can use to ward off different creatures and demons, and this place, around the edges, has all the symbols, there ain't much that's not human that can get past these walls. He'll be safe out there, plus, I'll keep an eye on the kid, scouts honor."

John released a sigh. "Okay, fine, but I'm warning you, if anything happens to my boy!"

"It won't, promise, he'll be fine."

John nodded, looking at the doorway where Dean was now standing. "You good with that?"

Dean nodded.

"Alright, I'll be upstairs with your brother if you need me."

Again, Dean nodded, this time he had a small smile spreading on his face. John nodded, and made his way upstairs with his son.

Dean could feel the anxiety rising in him, but he also felt a peace flow through his body, it felt like a huge weight was lifted from his heavy shoulders. This was different. He felt comfortable, he felt like he could make this his home.


	11. Chapter 11

**The Night the Lights Went Out in Kansas**

Chapter 11

"You sure you don't mind watching the boys?"

"Of course not, besides, Dean does most of the looking out for himself and his brother."

"I'll try to be back sometime tomorrow, it shouldn't take long."

"Take your time, learn what you need to learn. These guys know a lot about this yellowed eyed freak."

John nodded to Bobby, turning to Dean. "You be good for Bobby, you hear me? I'll be back as soon as I can."

Dean nodded.

They had been at Bobby's for a week. It was longer than John expected, but he had realized just how much knowledge Bobby held, plus Bobby wasn't so gun ho on just teaching the supernatural, he had taken an interest in the boys.

He took time to make sure Dean was given the chance to be a boy. He made John take responsible for his own children, including the youngest. Bobby had taken Dean out to the junk yard, showed him a few things he could fiddle around with, and allowed him to wonder around the yard by himself.

Dean felt free, he felt like a normal child, he loved being at Bobby's. Sammy even seemed to like him. The best part was, Sam learned how to start crawling while they were there. Dean felt comfortable allowing his baby brother to be normal too. There were times he would take Sammy's bed or seat out in the junk yard and found something to do.

John wanted Bobby to teach his oldest son more about gun and knife safety, and the beginnings of survival skills. Bobby had other ideas. He watched out his window, little Sammy playing in his bed in the room with Bobby, he was watching the oldest Winchester child. He was running around in the junk yard, playing hide and seek with his dog.

They had become best buddies. He used the junk cars to hide in, and when he was found they would roll around in the dirt and mud. Dean had a smile wrapped around his face and Bobby swore he had heard giggles come from the boy. He even thought maybe he had confined in his dog, whispering in his ear, where no one could hear.

Bobby was okay with that, as long as the boy found someone to talk to. It didn't even matter if he spoke, as long as he found a way to let out his emotions and heartache. After a long day playing in the junk yard, Bobby called him into eat supper. He was still heartbroken at the fact the kid wasn't eating properly. He was way too skinny for being such a little squirt.

"Hey, Dean. I know I don't have a right to ask you this, but, I was wondering if you could do me a favor?"

Dean looked up at him.

"Will you, at least try, to eat you something? More than just a couple small bites?"

Dean shrugged his shoulders, but showed obvious signs of thinking deeply about his request.

"Look, I know your daddy isn't the easiest person to please, and being that you haven't eaten your fare share lately, I'll be honest with you, it'll probably make you feel sick the first time, maybe even vomit, but I'll be right here for ya, and you can do this while your daddy ain't around, make things a little easier on ya."

Dean kept thinking deeply about what he was saying.

"Look, I figure, he's gonna start getting really mad at you, if you don't start eating. Don't think he hasn't noticed it, 'cause he has."

Dean lifted his head, staring at Bobby, wondering if he really cared that much about him. He then locked eye contact with him and nodded his head. He took a big gulp and filled his mouth with a decent amount of food. He ate it down, and took another bite. He had to admit, Bobby's food tasted good, but he had already figured out that he needed to watch his food intake and store away what he could. He felt comfortable here, knew he would be taken care of, but he also knew they wouldn't be staying here forever, and he wasn't sure what the next stop had in store.

Bobby was feeding Sammy, making sure he was taken care of, so Dean didn't have to. All the boy needed to do was worry about taking care of himself. He had managed to choke down half his plate before the nauseous feeling started to hit him. Bobby may have been taking care of Sam, but he continued to keep his eye on young Dean.

"You feeling sick, boy?"

Dean nodded his head, waited a minute, then pushed himself away from the table and rushed to the bathroom. Bobby laid Sam in his bed and went to Dean's side.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, boy, it's going to be okay, next time won't be so bad, this kind of stuff takes some time, you're okay."

After he finished emptying the contents of his stomach, Bobby continued to rub Dean's back, taking a cool, damp rag and wiping down the boy's face and mouth.

"You good now?"

Dean nodded, shakenly pushing himself off the floor.

He made his way to the couch, curling into a ball, protecting his stomach, watching his brother play happily. He smiled at the fact his brother seemed so happy. It was getting close to bed time, so he forced his way off the couch, picked up his brother, and proceeded to continue his nightly routine. He gave Sammy a bath, changed his diaper and clothes, and laid him down with his blanket and bottle. Dean, then sat on the couch beside him, he couldn't seem to pry his eyes off his brother.

Bobby sat on the other end of the couch.

"Looks like your brother's falling asleep, you wanna get your coat and go out to the yard for a while, before bed?"

Dean smiled and nodded his head, grabbing his coat, and heading out the front door. He was greeted by Bobby's dog as they headed off together, finding a new adventure to get into.

Bobby sighed, he was sure the boys would be leaving soon, and he honestly hated the thought of that. He had never like kids before, but these boys were different, they felt like his very own, like they could be his family. He started to wonder if he could talk John into staying, or at least letting the boys stay. They needed a stable home, a stable life, and there was no way they would get that moving around place to place.

Sam had fallen asleep, Bobby headed to his desk and was doing some research when Dean returned to the house. Of course, he was followed by the dog, which got Bobby in a huff, but he had gotten used to it by now. It was like neither Dean or the dog wanted to be separated, so he allowed it more than he should have. But, if that's what Dean needed for comfort, then that's what he would get.

He had headed to the shower, cleaning himself and dressing for the night. Bobby had put Sam in his bed upstairs. He had worked on cleaning the house up some, not that he was ever the cleanest, not since the death of his wife. But, he had been trying to keep the most dangerous things put up, and the dishes cleaned, since he had kids in the house.

Dean had slowly made his way down the stairs; his face was long and looking sad. He sat on the couch, his hands buried in between his own legs. He sat there, in silence, his eyes locked onto the floor.

"Something bothering you, boy?" Bobby asked as he sat on the opposite end of the couch. The dog had followed Dean to the couch and sat on the floor in front of him, waiting to be there when the boy needed comfort.

Dean shrugged his shoulders and made his way outside, sitting on the front steps to the porch. Bobby followed him out, sitting beside him. There was a silence between them.

"I… I don't want… to leave." Dean mumbled, as carefully and quietly as he could.

Bobby was surprised, both by what the boy had said and the fact that he actually said something.

"What'cha mean you don't wanna leave?"

Dean shrugged his shoulders again. Wiping his eyes, not that Bobby saw any tears, but he was sure there were some the boy was holding back. Dean stood and walked back inside. He made his way to their room upstairs where his brother slept. Without another word he made his way into his bed, and curled himself under the covers. He was alone, he knew that, but he refused to allow the tears to fall. Bobby checked on the boys, and found them both sound asleep.

Morning came, and he woke the boys to feed them. Dean resumed his normal morning routine. He changed his brother, and brought him down for breakfast. After making sure he was fed, with Bobby's help, he worked on feeding himself. Nausea hit him again, and he was able to only eat half a plate again. But, to his satisfaction, he didn't empty his stomach this time. He was able to fight the urge.

Bobby made a note about it, telling Dean how proud he was of him for trying and what a great job he's been doing. After breakfast, he helped Bobby wash dishes.

"Wwwhen is Daddy c…coming ho…back?" Dean questioned, his voice full of fear, which added when he almost called Bobby's house his home.

"He said he should be back sometime today, but he may end up being an extra day or two."

Dean nodded, turning, facing toward Bobby, and wrapped his arms around his waist. He didn't want to leave, he didn't want to lose Bobby. He was the closest thing to a father he had since the fire took his family.

"I know you don't wanna leave, son. I'm gonna hate to see you leave too, but I'll always be here, for you, you hear me?"

Dean nodded his head as a tear slipped from his eye.

"Hey, Dean."

Dean looked up at him.

"Thank you."

He crinkled his forehead, confused at what he was thanking him for.

"Thank you for trusting me, I know that couldn't be easy. And, thank you for talking to me. I really appreciate it, it makes me proud, to know someone as awesome as you could trust me so much."

Dean grinned and gave Bobby another hug.

Bobby still wasn't completely comfortable with the whole kid thing, but he had started getting used to it. He loved these boys like no one he's ever loved before.

The day went by calmly, nothing special, well not to Bobby. Dean ran and played and Sammy crawled around, trying to see what he could get into. Supper time came, and Bobby had called Dean in to eat.

"Dean, your daddy called me today, he's not going to make it home, he said it may be tomorrow, or possibly the next day. He wanted me to let you know that so you wouldn't worry."

He didn't tell Dean the part about his dad wanting him to make sure he kept an eye on his brother and practiced what Bobby was supposed to be teaching him. Bobby told him not to worry, that he had everything under control and they had settled into a routine. He hadn't explained to John exactly what their routine consisted of.

Dean's eyes saddened with the news. It wasn't that he was in any hurry for his dad to return, or for them to leave, it was for other reasons. He may have been sad, but he continued to try to make Bobby proud. He ate a little more than half his plate, which proved to be a huge mistake. He managed to only empty half the contents in his stomach, holding back the remaining nausea. He laid on the couch, feeling sick and his tummy was hurting.

"Hey there, you doing okay?"

Dean nodded, then followed it by a shoulder shrug and after a quick moment finished his reply with a shake of his head.

"What's wrong?"

"T..ttt…tomorrow….it's…it's no big deal."

Dean's voice trailed off with an overwhelming sadness.

"Tomorrow's what? I ain't no mind reader, boy."

"My birthday." Dean mumbled quietly.

Dean was saddened because his dad wasn't going to be there for his birthday. He was turning 5. He was excited to turn 5, or at least he used to be. He was supposed to start school in a few months. Him and his mom had big plans to celebrate the beginning of school. Mom always gave him big birthday parties. This year, she wasn't here, there wasn't even a small party, plus his dad wasn't even going to be there.

Bobby patted Dean on his leg, removing himself from the room before his emotions became too overwhelming.

"John! What the hell are you thinking? I don't give a shit about the things you are learning from them, and I don't give a shit about that yellow eyed freak. Yeah, I understand it took your wife, but it also took your boys' mom, and if you don't make it back tomorrow, you're going to allow that freak to completely destroy your family. It ain't all about the demon, or monsters, it's about those boys of yours too!"

John didn't agree. He figured his boy would be fine for this one day, but Bobby didn't see it that way. Bobby threatened John that he better be back for his son's birthday or he'd have hell to pay. John was not happy at the least, but agreed. Bobby had made a few more calls, getting a cake and few other items for the boy, including a birthday present. He may have only been 5, but he was entering the world of hunter, so Bobby had bought him his very own hunter's knife. Which made Dean's eyes light up when he saw he had the means to protect his little brother.

John had showed up, toward the end, which made Dean excited to see him, however, his excitement left when he found out they would be leaving Bobby's in the morning.

Dean felt like his family, his safety was being torn away from him again. Only, this time, he vowed he would return, that he didn't want to lose Bobby, or his home. The place Dean felt the most at home with.

Dean ran to Bobby, giving him a tight hug. "Can you be my daddy?" The young boy asked with tears in his eyes.

"I wish, boy, I wish, but, I'll always be here if you need me, okay?"

Dean nodded his head, Bobby handed him a paper with his phone number one it, in case he ever needed anyone. He informed John he had given his son his number, just in case, and John agreed, he felt better knowing there was someone else looking out for his boys, in case something happened to him while hunting.

The family loaded back into the car, with a wave Dean said goodbye to a place he didn't want to leave. He wiped a tear away as he slid back into his seat, waiting to see where the road led them next.


End file.
